I woke up the next morning feeling awful. I stared at the ceiling for a few hours contemplating what I was going to do. I wanted to talk to him. I didn't want to completely leave him forever. I needed some answers. And quick
I shot out of bed and just put on some sweats and a T-shirt. I didn't even care about the sleeping Harry on my bed, I just left. I knew Shawn would be somewhere nearby. The second I left my house there he was. Sitting on the floor half asleep, half awake. I awed at his sleepy face. Only for him to look up and sleepily smile.
"I'm not with her anymore. But I thought I was never going to find you. I'm sorry...." Shawn said. I sat down next to him and leaned into his side. He wrapped his arm around me and we sat there for awhile.
"Its ok." I finally spoke to break the silence.
"But, maybe we just, should wait on the relationship part." I spoke.
"Darling, if we date, I want all the strings attached. The way you look at me, God, its breathe taking." He said.
"Your the only girl that could bring me back to the old days. You make me feel better. I just, I, I love you." He spoke. I tensed under his touch.
"I, I really, I mean, I do, I mean. Ugh." I stopped talking and Shawn chuckled.
"Its ok. I don't expect you to love me. I hurt you, and I'm always going to be sorry for leaving you." I sat there. And that's when I curiously asked my question.
"Shawn, when you said you were making bad desicions in life, what did you mean?" He sat there and he sighed. He rubbed both his hands on his face and he looked at me.
"I wasn't myself." I sat there waiting for the rest.
"I, was out of line. I havnt even talked to my parents for four years since I left. I was in a gang. They were getting me to do drugs, they tried to get me to kill people but I knew better. And then, then," he started to cry.
"I'm sorry..." He cried into his hands.
"Its all my fault. The day you got raped, it was all my fault. They got my high off my mind and I gave you a pill that made you less conscious. That's when Danny raped, you. I'm so sorry..."
He was crying harder than I've ever seen before. I sat there and teared up, but I dare not let those tears fall. I looked away from him scared to look back at him.
"Cat? Kitty please. Look at me..." I couldn't. I was scared. I knew that if I looked at him I would cry.
"Please..." He whispered. I nodded and looked at him. He truly looked hurt.
"I'm so sorry...that's why I left. When they finally told me what happened, that it was them, I cried. I couldn't live with myself, that's why I left. I was scared I'd tell you and you'd never talk to me again....I'm so so so sorry..."
I held my hand up, and that's when a tear fell.
"Please, stop." He burst into tears again. We sat there for awhile longer till Harry came out.
"Baby? I've been looking for you every where. What are you doing? Where you crying?"
"NO! Fuck off Harry!" He glared at Shawn and mumbled something incoherent and slammed the door.
I knew he was probably pissed at me. And I knew what I did was bad, he was just trying to care for me. Soon a care pulled up to my house. A rather familiar care.
Joey stepped out and my eyes brightened. I ran over to him and I hugged him.
"I'm sorry Joey. Im so sorry. You forgive me don't you? Your a great friend. I mean, take me out on dates all the time, but I just want you to be my friend....please?" I looked up at him with puppy dog eyes and he laughed.
"Your catch Cat, you know that?" I smiled and we both laughed.
"But I'm actually here to pick up Harry's punching bag." He pointed to Shawn and I laughed.
"Truce anyways?" He smiled and hugged me back.
"Truce." We both smiled and Shawn walked up to us. He looked awful.
"Hey Joey, give me a minute?" He nodded and walked to the car. I heard him counting.
"One, two, three, four...."
I laughed and so did Shawn. He looked down at me and I brought him into a tight hug.
"Cat, I love you. Please, say you love me too?" His eyes watered. I looked up at him and I couldn't stop them. The tears flowed out.
"I, I don't know...." I said. He removed my arms from around him and he walked to the car. He looked back at me and once more said, "I love you..." And then he got in the car and drove off.
I stepped inside and closed the door. I slid down the door slowly and cried. Harry came rushing to my side and he hugged me tight. He calmed me running his fingers through my tangled hair. I could tell he was upset too. But I feel like my life is freaking twilight. I only love one of them, but the other one thinks he has a chance, but he actually doesn't.
I don't know who will choose. But right now, I just needed time. That's all.
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A/n hello baby's!! So, how's it going? I hope you guys love who she's going to pick.
Lol, I feel like nobody's even reading this story.
Ily!!! Xoxox
