Seaside - n.h.

five.

{side note; i deleted the previous version of chapter 5 because it wasn't working for me and i didn't like it. lol}

Like any other day now, school goes by excruciatingly slowly, making me cherish every second that comes towards the end of the day. The funk that I'm in (that is, missing Del a lot) has effectively made me lose most of my friends. Yes, they understood that I loved her, but their minds work in a way that can only be described as this: "New is always better." They wanted me to move on, which of course I couldn't. Delilah changed me, I can't go back to the way I was and I don't give a shit if my friends don't like that.

I guess saying I have "no" friends is a bit of an exaggeration. Adelaide has come by the seaside sometimes when I'm there. She's a pretty good listener, but we're not exactly the best of friends.

And as far as school goes, I think people like me a lot more ever since I stopped hanging out with my dick friends who only are experts on female anatomy (mostly the lower region, unfortunately). Teachers like me more too. They know that I'm going through my own shit and I know they're secretly happy about it because I'm not being rude to them. I just can't help but wonder if all this is because Delilah changed me or if I'm just moving on from her.

That's what's been circling inside my head for days. Are you moving on? I can't say that I'm crying myself to sleep (anymore) but I can't smile and say, "Delilah? Yeah she's dead." *insert creepy smiley face*

Sometimes I'm afraid that I'll never be able to move on, and that Del will forever be etched in my mind.

"Hey squirt," a voice greets me, colliding with my jumbled thoughts. It was Adelaide.

"Hi," I say back.

"So, what's shakin', bacon?"

"What?"

She sighs, clearly disappointed that I didn't reply as she wanted me to. "What are you up to?"

"Um, nothing. Just... sitting here."

"Why do you come here so often?"

"Privacy, remember?" I remind her with an eye.

Adelaide purses her lips and stares at me for a little bit. It's a little disconcerting, but who wouldn't be uncomfortable when being stared at like you've done something horrible? She finally says something after- I swear -3 minutes.

"You know, squirt, I consider us to be sort-of friends, so-"

"You think we're friends?" I ask in surprise.

She looks hurt for almost a second, barely noticeable. "I mean, yeah?"

"Right." I agree awkwardly. I didn't mean to make her feel bad, I just thought I was too short with her to be even considered as an acquaintance.

"So," she continues. "It sort of pains me to think that you don't trust me. Yet." She adds with a look.

"Well, I mean, we don't really... talk." I say nervously. She doesn't look away from me, whereas I am constantly looking somewhere that isn't her stormy grey eyes that feel intimidating yet soft. It's like she listens with her eyes.

"We don't have to talk to be friends." She tells me. "I mean, I've seen you cry and you saved my brother, so we're basically friends, right?"

"I guess..."

"Well, then what's the problem? Why are you so afraid to be my friend?" A sort of fire appears in Adelaide's eyes. The look is scary and I desperately come up with something better to say. Of course I don't, though.

"Afraid?" I scoff. "I'm not afraid."

"Really?" She asks. "Then why are you avoiding eye contact?"

"Why do I have to look you in the eye?"

She doesn't say anything. Instead, she stands up. "You know, Horan, when people try to get close to you, you normally create a space for them. Have you ever considered that I'm just as lonely as you are?-"

"-I'm not lonely-"

"-did it ever occur to you that you're possibly the only one who talks to the new girl? Did your enclosed mind neglect to wrap around the fact that I have no friends? That I've got no one, except my brother? We've all got problems. I just opened up a huge envelope to you, and all it took was a little bit of trust. All I'm saying is that, I'm an open person. I listen. Though you may not think we're friends, I do. So, whatever, I'll just leave then because clearly I'm not wanted." She kind of curtsies, and then storms off.

Stunned, I have nothing to do but watch her leave. I had no idea she was struggling so much with this new move. Where are parents? She has no friends and she's really nice, yet I've just thrown her to the side just because of Delilah. This was a human being with feelings that I just threw to the side because I wasn't ready to open up.

You can imagine how terrible I felt.

I can only hope she'll meet me back here tomorrow because I am starting to grow an appreciation for Adelaide Shzort.