Curled up in myself
I rejoice
In my apparent madness
So uncontrolled
It flourishes
as I feed it
It burns but i
Feel satisfaction
More than pain when i feel those lashes cutting through my skin into my flesh ,my very bones and how can it be imaginary when it feels so fucking real .
Hate hate me hate hate hate me because i do not deserve an emotion as sweet and giving as love.
I do not deserve it i do not believe it i do not know it because im all closed up inside .hate filling up my little air spaces clogged with hopelessness, putrid despair, and 'i don’t cares'.
Please please someone
Please save me
and then watch me burn and scream and flail hopelessly inside while pasting on a smile and delirious expression of happiness in direct contrast to the rage ,disgust at the world and my own pathetic weakweakweak self so thick i can taste it , inside, such a paradox ..
because i cannot be someone else. I cannot deceive myself into being normal. i want to be who i am even if it kills me
even if it kills me.
