As Hidden As The Moon (Wattys 2016)

As Hidden As The Moon

I was always the one to have the answer but never raise my hand. But I was never the type of person to run for class president or make a big scene in the middle of class. I always sat away from the noise and kept my eyes to my feet, hoping I would never get called on. I would often hear things that shouldn't be said, but whenever I tried to open my mouth to speak it's as if I had forgotten how to talk. People think talking should be easy. They think there is an automatic switch and all of a sudden butterflies leave and turn into words, but that's not how it works. At least not for me.

My throat tightened as I thought about my next class. My feet shuffled to my seat and I sat down in the way back where I could be unnoticed. I went the whole seminar without talking but as I began to walk out of the class my teacher called my name. I turned around and walked towards him, eyes down.

"You're not in trouble." He told me. "I just want you to participate more." He said. "You have great ideas and questions. I don't want to take off points because you aren't participating." I nodded. "Okay, you can leave."

I whispered a "Thank you" and then left.

At the end of the day I walked out into the cool crisp fall air and looked around for my dad's car. I spotted it in the way back of the pick up line and started advancing towards the car. I opened the door and was greeted by a warm smile and "hello."

"Hi." I threw my bag into the back seat and buckled up.

"How was school?"

"Okay." I replied.

"What'd you do?"

"I had a presentation in world history and a seminar in english." I looked out the window, letting out a sigh as we drove away from the school.

"How did they go?"

"Horrible." My eyes teared up thinking of how I froze in front of the whole class and stumbled over my words. "My english teacher wants me to participate more."

"Don't be too hard on yourself." My dad said.

"I try to talk during class and the seminar but everytime I try to talk my heart starts beating really fast and I get really light headed." A tear feel from my eyes remembering the feeling of how my head spun, as if I could feel the Earth spin. "I want to be able to talk in class whenever I can but it's hard." I said. "It doesn't help either when my teachers keep telling me I need to talk." Tears rolled down my cheek and the taste of salt touched my lips. "I'm trying me best."

My dad parked the car in our driveway and reached over to give me a hug. My head rested on his shoulder and my tears soaked up his sweater. "You're the best you can do." He whispered to me. "Take your time with it." He told me. We came out of our hug and I wiped my eyes as dry as they could get.

"They don't know how crappy that makes me feel when they say that." I caught a tear right before it spilled. "I can't help that this is who I am." My dad handed me a tissue. "I would change it if I could."

"I don't think you need to change." My dad reassured me. "There's nothing wrong with being as hidden as the moon."

***

I hope you liked this short story. It is very personal to me, so I hope it can speak to or inspire some of you.

I got really great feedback from 'As Yellow as the Sun', so I wanted to try to write something similar but relating to a different topic. Thank you so much for all your support.

Love,
Scarlett <3