It was my 16th birthday. I was so excited. I can finally get a drivers license. I can finally be free. But all of that happiness ended. There was a fight about me. How no body cared about me. How i'm worthless. I've had just about enough. I ran up to my bathroom, grabbed my razor, and broke it for the blades. I sat there for a while. Wondering if I shuld actually do it
"What would happen if i did? What would everyone do?"
"Oh. No one cares. You're worthless anyway, remember?"
I finally decided, and pulled up my sleeves. I softly bit my lips and I glided the razor smoothly across my milky white skin. The razor was cold. Blood dripped down my arm slowly. The warmth of my blood was quite soothing. I watched myself bleed for a moment. As the blood dripped down I sobbed and asked myself "why did i do that?" i stopped. "It felt good though."
I didnt know how to hide it so I panicked and i rolled my sleeves back down. I quietly went down the stairs as my mom was cutting the cake. "Who wants cake?!" Said my mom in that joyful tone she always seemed to have. Everyone raised there hand. Everyone except me. Just looking at the cake made my stomache turn.
"why don't you want cake sweety? It's your birthday, you should have a little piece of cake"
Finally giving in, I reluctantly grabbed the plate. I ate it all. I ate that whole god damn piece of cake. I felt fat. I felt gross. I ran upstairs and threw up the cake. Now I felt perfect. I went back downstairs hoping no one would realize what was going on.
The whole room was silent. Thankfuly no one noticed. I sat there opening up presents. all I got was clothes. It was the end of my party so I gave everyone hugs and said goodbye. After that, I walked upstairs to my room. It was close to 7:00 p.m. My mom and dad were fighting about how I didn't deserve anything.
I felt horrible, I needed to cut again. I ran to the bathroom, grabbed my razor and thought about whether or not I should cut again. I couldn't deal with this anymore. I rolled up my sleeves and cut my arm deep and slow. I let out a scream. My parents ran upstairs asking if I was ok. They told me to open the door. I hid my razors. I couldn't think of anything to say. All that came out was "I'M FINE! GO AWAY!" I heard them walk away from the door and back downstairs.
It was almost 9:30 pm at this point. I was laying in bed wondering how i'm going to cover up the cuts tomorrow. I thought to myself that if I were dead there would be no more hiding. Should I commit suicide tonight? I closed my eyes with a tear rolling down my cheek. I then fell asleep.
I woke up bright and early excited for the day. Today was the day. The day of Warped tour. I threw on jeans, converse, a Of Mice and Men t-shirt and a grey hoodie to cover up my cuts. Of course I would take the jacket off when I got there.
While listening to other bands, I looked at the schedule to see when Of Mice and Men was on. they start at 5:30. I glanced at my phone; it was five. I ran out of the crowd to the stage where Of Mice and Men were going to play so I could be in the front. I HAVE to be front and center for my favorite band
At that stage there was a band playing, I had to sit through them because Of Mice and Men was on next. As the crowd left, I walked towards the front of the stage and sat down. A half an hour later Of Mice and Men came on. I was so excited. The moment i've been waiting for all year. The sound of Austin Carlile's voice gave me goose bumps. I jumped and threw my arms in the air forgetting about my scars. I was in front, so close I could touch Austin. It was a dream come true. After the show was over I found out they weren't doing a signing. I sat by the stage bawling my eyes out.
One of the Roadies came up to me concerened that I got hurt in the mosh pit and asked me what the problem was. I told him how I came here just so I could see Austin. He asked me for my name I told him my name was Sarah. The roadie said he would see what he could do he swiftly walked back stage. A couple of minutes later, he came out walking me to the gate for the tour bus.
Austin slowly stepped out. Many fan girls gathered around him. He politely said "I'm sorry, but i'm here only to see Sarah"
I couldnt belive what I was hearing. Austin Carlile wanted to see me, and only me.
I gave him a hug. We hugged for a couple of seconds then he told me to walk with him. He sat down with me and I told him how much I love him and Of Mice and Men. He smiled as I said all of these kind things to him.
His eyes went down to my arms. I then realized I forgot to put back on my jacket. Oh dear, what is he going to say... he looked at me with a hurt look in his eyes and asked me why. I told him the story about the birthday party and how no one cares about me and how i'm worthless to my own parents. He hugged me. It was a long hug. He said to me quietly "I know it fucking sucks, but no fan of mine is worthless. I'm here for you and I care. We all go through it and things get better."
I layed my head on his shoulders and cried. I told him how he saved my life. I suddenly remembered something. I pulled my phone out of my pocket, and took out my battery. He had a confused look on his face.
In between sobs I said "I'm giving you my last razor. You saved my life so I want you to have it. Do whatever you want with it. I dont care if you throw it away. I just want you to know that because of you i'm alive today."
Austin turned away crying. He threw the razor far away from us. He turned back around and said "Next time I see you I don't want to see any more of those scars"
I hugged him goodbye and walked away happier than ever. I vowed to never cut again. Things got better. My scars faded, and I felt more loved by everyone. Austin was right "It gets better. It always gets better. Life will never put you through more than you can handle."
