10th grade year was very interesting for me. I decided that maybe I should be more quiet, but more involved. So that year in the fall I joined marching band and volleyball. I was shocked how much one boy could change me in such a small amount of time. Summer is only three months and yet I feel like a new person. I felt like I have said a million words, but only to Niall of course. Marching band was something that we decided to do together. So by this point we had spent almost all of our time together, but I didn't have any complaints. Niall had done band last year and he loved it! He played trombone and he convinced me to pick up my tenor sax again. I had forgotten how good I was at it, and how much I enjoyed it. I forgot a lot of things about myself. I wasn't always like this, I was happy once, full of life. It wasn't until 6th grade that I started feeling this way. I was bullied everday and my friends from elementary school just all left me and they just started doing different things, becoming differnet people. I guess I just couldn't keep up. It was so bad that I would just skip every class and eat my lunch in my science teacher's room. I fell into a deep depression. It was so bad that all I would do is sleep and starve myself, because feel hunger was better than not feeling anything at all. And sleep was my escape from the world around me. My whole body felt hollow, and there was no one there to help me through it. My parents tried but they were either working or barking at me to get my grades up. Some days I would have to use grounding techniques to keep myself from crying in the middle of the day. I saw everyone around me being happy, laughing, smiling and it would just make me feel trapped. I struggled with my body image also during this time. I just wanted to be skinny, even though I already was, I just didn't like what I saw in the mirror. I tried to tell my teacher but he just told me that I needed to change myself in order to feel better. He didn't really understand. I felt out of touch with God like he could hear me but I couldn't get through. I never knew that type of pain before, it hurt but at the same time I felt.......nothing.
