Hiding in the Shadows

Chapter 5 What Now

So I don't know what to do. I tried to hurt myself before, and there are scars to prove it. I don't know why I do what I do. Maybe its the fact that I lost everyone I had, including my own family. I stared at my knife wondering what to do. No one cares about me, they never will. I put it my baby away for now and decided to pull out my sketchbook and started on a new drawing to keep my mind off what is going on. 

I don't like how my life is turning out. My alarm went off and I sighed knowing that I have to take a certain pill at a certain time or my step dad will force the number I miss down my throat. Going to my bag and put up my sketchbook. Brandon was watching me like I was something special but I really am not. I pulled out my pills that my step father is making me take; birth control, sleeping pills, anti-depressant and I think ADHD pills and once I took all my needed pills I started to fall. Something wasn't right this never happen at all. Brandon caught me and then was yelling for his dad to call something. I don't know, everything sounded so far away. I couldn't move even if I try willing myself to. I blacked out soon after that.

A few seconds later I was somewhere that looked so familiar. There was a little girl on the front porch with an older girl and an older boy, they look like ther were 10 or 11, the little girl looks like a 5 year old.

'Everything will be ok. Come one, smiles. Please?', the older girl's voice sounded familiar but I couldn't pin it to a time.

'Sarah you know she has depression, remember? Mom and Dad are divorced, and she is the youngest out of the 4 of us. Tina moved out a few months ago, and she might have to go with mom. You know how things are going to be.' The boy said to Sarah.

'Patrick, I know. She doesn't understand and she has been picked on by so many people. Don't you think that the least you could do is try and make her feel better.' Sarah pushed what I think was her brother but the way he was talking . 'Jade, don't worry about Patrick.' Sarah picked up the little girl and hold her. There was a crash coming from inside and some yelling and screaming come from the two people inside.

'GET OUT! YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSE TO BE HERE TOM!' 

'SO I CAN'T EVEN SEE MY OWN KIDS WOMAM!?' 

Oh I now remember. This was right after the devoice papers were filed, and before the custidy hearing started. 

The man walked out of the house furiously, 'YOU CAN'T KEEP ME AWAY JUNE, THIS IS UNFAIR FOR THE KIDS, EXPESIALLY JADE.' He walked over to where the smaller kids were. ' I'm so sorry about everything. Patick, Sarah. Can I please talk to your little sister for a few.'

'Sure dad.' They left and little me was sitting on the front porch not knowing what's going on. My dad just looked at me and then look out in the front yard.

'I'm so sorry Jade. I wish you could be with the rest of the family but she isn't going to let me take you with me. She keeps saying you need her but I am going to do everything I can to get you.'

Why don't I remember this. Maybe it was those pills.

The memory went forward to the court day. They were going to tell them the verdict of the family and what is going to happen to the kids.

'Sarah and Patrick will be in the custody of Tom Steal, while Jade will be in the custody of June Steal.' The judge had said the thing that separated me for the rest of my family. I watched as they pry my small hands from my father and my sister and brother were crying and try to run towards me but they we hold back by security. 

Why am I reliving this nightmare. 

This nightmare jumped to that day where they don't even liked me. That was the worse day beside lossing them completely. I was about twelve or thirteen years old, but my older sibilings we about 16 and 17 years old. they didn't try to socialize with me, and when they do it was usually outside playing hide-and-go seek and when they had the chance they would let me go around the yard looking for them even though they were inside or I will be hiding and they will never find me. At that time of my life I didn't know why my parents even divorced and that was when I was out in the living room sitting on the couch late at night crying because I didn't have anyone. My father didnt even talk to me and I was called for dinner after everyone else ate. 

This nightmare just kept hurting who I was as a person. Just a reminder of how people just get up and leave my life as if I wasn't that important.

A few mintues later there i was when I cried at their funeral, then when my mom remarried to my step-dad and then my mother's funeral, and lastly where I stand now.

There was something that was keeping me here then I was suddenly pulled backwards of my memories and I woke up in a very bright room. I think it was a hospitel room but I don't know why. All I do is keep telling myself.... what now?