Twenty Two, I Love You

Chapter I

The first time I went on X-factor I was terrified. The thought of all those people watching was almost too much. I made it to the judges' house, which definitely surprised me. What surprised me even more was when Simon told me that he wanted me back on. I was just like what happened to Liam. Simon told me that I needed to get over my stage fright and the go back on the show the next year. So I did it. I moved to London, with my best friend Meghan and I started getting little gigs in small pubs and diners. I eventually got over my fear of performing and even developed a bit of a love for it. So here I am, ready for my second audition for X-factor. I am more than ready to show Simon that I can do this.

When it's finally my turn to go on, I realize that I'm still nervous. Not terrified, like I was last time, but still nervous. When I walk in I see Simon smile as he greets me.

"Hello Lily,"

"Hey Simon,"

"And what will you be singing for us?" He asks me looking down at the sheet in front of him.

"Back to December, by Taylor Swift," I tell him as I start to sing. I can't help but think of Liam, not only because I'm standing here auditioning for a second time, just like he was about to do the last time we talked, but because of the song. Whenever I hear this song I always think of him.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying I'm sorry for that night.
And I go back to December all the time.

I'm so sorry Liam, I truly am. I never wanted to do it, I had to.

It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind.
I go back to December all the time.

I wish I could change what I did. I made some stupid decisions, and they'll always haunt me. I never should have rejected him once, let alone twenty two times!

When I finish the song I realize that I'm almost crying. Closer than I have come to crying since the night after Liam left. The four judges are speechless. It takes a few seconds for the audience to clap. A few people even stand. It takes a few minutes before Simon speaks again.

"I've only ever told someone to return to this show later once before. He proved me right and I think things went pretty well for him. I also told you to return. And I believe that I was proved right a second time. Thank you. It's a yes from me," he says. I beam at him. The other judges all agree with him and I just nod vigorously and thank them. Before I know it I'm off the stage. And I'm sitting backstage, calling Meghan to tell her the news.

"Meg! Guess what?" Ask scream into the phone.

"Hmm... Let me guess, you made it," she says, sounding bored.

"Yes!!" I squeal. "Isn't it so exciting!"

"Not really, it's happened before," she tells me, still sounding incredibly bored.

"Oh, okay, well I guess I'll talk to you later then, I got to go"

"Bye," she says, sounding almost annoyed. She been a bit irritable lately and I don't know why. I walk around backstage a little bit, feeling oddly closer to Liam. He was here. He was on this show, under the same circumstances as me. I find it strange that I feel closer to him here than I ever have looking through pictures and trying not to miss him.

We were neighbor and we used to be as close as two people could be. We had play dates and sleepovers. We built a treehouse in-between our backyards. We fought and we cuddled. We sang together. We sang a duet every year at the town talent show. And we won every year. Then we got older. When we were around 12 I realized that I had a crush on him. We were still close, but I started hanging out with Meghan a bit more because I couldn't talk to Liam about periods and boys. Likewise, he started hanging out more with his guy friends. We still did a lot together, but it wasn't the same.

When we were 14 he left for X-factor the first time. He wanted me to go with him, but I could barely perform at talent shows without puking my gut out. Actually I did puke a couple times. My stage fright was way to bad. While he was gone I hung out with Meghan even more. But it was when he was gone that I realized I loved him. And when he got back was when he first time he asked me out. And the first time I had to reject him. As soon as he got home he bought a dozen roses and gave them to me. It broke my heart to tell him no, but I figured he would get over it. I may have loved him, but I couldn't be with him. I threw the roses out the window in my room so wouldn't have to see them every day. I still had watch them die in my backyard.

After that the rift between us only grew. And grew. And grew. We fought more, sometimes about the stupidest things. He asked me out so many more times in the most creative ways, but I kept saying no. My heart broke more everyone. We hung out less. Then, by the time he had to leave again, we were still friends, but we had grown apart. I still loved him, but I couldn't say yes. So he left. And he never talked to me again. I tried to text him to congratulate him when One Direction got third place, but the text I got back only told me that his number had been disconnected.

After that last farewell the only time I ever saw him was on interviews and YouTube. I still had shirts and sweatshirts of his that he left at my house. I still wear them sometimes to try to feel closer to him. I download every album, watched every video, and memorized every lyric. I still love him and I don't think I'll ever stop. You can never really fall out of love.

A/N - omg! I love Back to December soooooo much! And I think it really fit the story. It's literally Taylor's only song where she apologizes an it has such a strong meaning - it's not just her complaining about her last boyfriend. And don't misread that. I love Taylor Swift, it just has a huge impact when someone who doesn't often admit guilt apologizes.

Byyyyyyyeeeeee! 😘
~ATA