Hello

Chapter 12

Percy has read Jason's note over and over again, trying to draw comfort from the hastily written words scribbled onto an empty page in the book.Of course, Percy understands now that they didn't mean to cause him pain, but whether or not it has been their intention, the hurt still lingers. It'slike a splinter stuck where Percy can't reach, a dull ache that he can't soothe no matter how hard he tries.
As much as Percy pretends that he has moved on from all that hurt, reality is different. The task is harder than it seemed to him at first, despiteJason's and Will's return. Percy is still stuck in one place, still has nothing other to do with his time but wait for the next half hour of company thatsomeone can spare for him. Even though he has an explanation now, has those he values so much back, Percy is still feeling the same longing forsomething more.

It is their carefulness that reminds Percy every day of what has gone wrong. Not purposely, Percy is sure of that, but every of their actions speaks ofthe trouble Percy had got them in.
Will never stays close for too long, doesn't allow Percy the long hugs they used to share, never threads his fingers through Percy's hair when he cantell Percy is upset. Jason draws away from every touch still, intend on not making it linger, his gaze constantly darting back to the door, thewindows, the visitors as if he is afraid someone has already seen too much.
It forbids Percy to let go, from hoping that things could go back to how they used to be again. Percy is yearning for some kind of normalcy, for theirold connection back.
But Jason and Will know that something is irreparably broken, as much as Percy does himself. Unlike them, Percy is afraid it is not as much theirfriendship and affection that has taken the worst of it, but he himself.
The strange hope that Percy has harboured, the hope that things could feel good again, that he could be as joyful and carefree as he used to be – itis withering away with every day that passes.

The sadness doesn't seize, not completely. Granted, Percy does feel better than before, less resented and unwanted but still just as much out ofplace. Even to begin with, Percy hadn't felt like he belonged here, in this tank, this aquarium, but Percy can't deny that, for a little while, Jason andWill had been able to distract him from that feeling. A sense of home, of fitting in, that's what they offered by allowing Percy to be a small part oftheir lives – but even that is gone now.

Nico had tried to give Percy something like this. He invoked the same feeling of familiarity in Percy's chest that Jason had in the very beginning, oneof kinship and understanding. When Jason withdrew from Percy, whether by his own choice or not, this sense of belonging had grown weaker until,eventually, it faded away. No matter what it is that Nico radiates, Percy can't bring himself to accept it again.

The worst that has come out of everything though is how painfully Percy was reminded that at the end of the day, he was nothing but a captive. Apet, a possession, nothing more to the people that had brought him here. Will and Jason, and maybe Nico too, had been the ones to distract himfrom it, to give him something akin to a life despite all the limitation that he has. It was more than he should have been able to hope for in hisposition, really, but Percy isn't a child anymore. All the games and tasks and visits only worked for so long, and as soon as they became rarer,reality became clearer again for Percy.

Everything is scheduled, there is nothing that happens out of the regular plans. Each time Nico tries to mix things up, someone will pull him asideand remind him that there are rules he has to stick to – Percy has seen it happen.
Percy's tank is larger than any he has been in before, but even so it hardly allows him to get any exercise. When he gets restless, annoyed by all thenoise and the bright lights and the constantly watching visitors, all Percy can do is swim in small, slow rounds – unless he wants to risk hurtinghimself by hitting a wall or getting caught on a corner. There are few places he can hide, and even there he won't find peace until the centre closesin the evening.