I remember two things about my seemingly short lived childhood:
1. I was afraid of going home everyday.
2. I always went home out of fear of what might happen to her if I didn't go.
One day, my best friend Amira wanted me to come over after school.
"Crys, girl, I just snatched these cute tops from the mall yesterday! You gotta come home with me to see 'em. I think I might even have a few in you size." She nudged me suggestively while she spoke.
I nervously replied, "I don't know Mir." I had to think to myself. 'Could I really leave her home alone with you? Should I?'
"Give me one good reason you can't come over !" She yelled .
I pleaded, "You know I have to take care of my mom. I can't just leave her there by herself."
"Yeah. Well, isn't your pops there?"
I whispered to myself, "That's what I'm afraid of." Finally, I gave in. I sighed and said, "Okay, let's just stop by my house really quick so that I can let my mom know where I'm going."
"Yay! Let's hurry up! The quicker we make it home, the more time we'll have to model everything."
Amira was so excited that I'd succumbed to her pleads. She began going on and on about her day. I, however, was still stuck on mom. I wondered, 'Would it be okay just this once?' Then, I became lost in that train of thought once more. Should I neglect her just to try to enjoy time with my friend? Will you hurt her again? Obviously, I didn't have to keep thinking much longer because Mir immediately snapped me out of my trance.
"Crys! CRYSSSSS! Crystal Marie Peters!" she flailed, trying to attract my attention.
"What?" I answered nonchalantly.
"Didn't you hear me? I said why is your mom laying on the curb?"
I immediately focused my attention on the blurry object in front of me. It was my mom, nearly beaten to a bloody pulp. I quickly ran over to her side and screamed out for assistance. "Somebody help me ! Someone please call the police! Mir, please I'm begging you. Run home and call the police. Please."
She just stood there in awe and angst. "Mir, hurry! She's losing a lot of blood! Run !!"
I quickly began to console my mother. "Mom, I'm here. If you can hear me, I'm right here with you. I love you. Please talk to me. Mom. Mom."
Deep down, I knew who'd done it. I thought to myself, 'that dirty bastard: Charles.'
Again dad? Again? I couldn't go to school without coming home to this. To the sight of my helpless mother.
She slowly opened her eyes, as if regaining consciousness. "Where? Where's my husband?"
In that very moment, my weary expression was replaced by one of fiery. You made me hate you. I would no longer stand for this. I couldn't sit around and worry about her anymore. I had to put an end to it.
A feeling of madness rushed over me. I ran inside and barged into my room. I immediately retreated to my closet. Of course, the bill hadn't been paid this month so it was hard to make my way around, but I managed. I rummaged through everything and dug deep until I found it: the little black box. I had been saving it for a day like this. Although I was only 14, I kept it for protection. Around here, it was necessary. If you don't have something to protect yourself, you'd die to someone else's security.
"Which one of y'all motherfuckers came running through my house?", you yelled in search of the culprit.
"Me," I coldly replied.
"What'd I tell you and your damn sister about that. Bring your ass over here now!"
Again, I responded by not saying much at all, "No."
You quickly became angry.
"What the fuck do you mean no? I said come here right now! If you don't I'm gonna --"
I cut you off with a chuckle. "You're gonna what? Hit me like you hit mom. I doubt it."
"Crystal, you have five seconds or I'm beating your ass", you retorted.
I began the countdown for you. "Five, four, three." I slowly surfaced from the darkness. Click. The sound of the gun caught you off guard as I peered from the corner.
You screamed, "What the --." Pop! Pop! Pop!
"One," I smiled sweetly as I watched your body go limp and hit the floor.
Amira ran inside at the sound of the shots and screamed at the sight in front of her. "Crys, what did you do?! Oh my God!"
She turned to leave but I hurriedly followed her with an explanation at hand. It's like a switch went off. "Mir, I ... I don't know what came over me. I was really upset. He did that to my mom. It's going on for some time now." I began to break down in tears. "I had to save her Mir."
"I'm sorry but I have to go." With that, she rushed out of the door.
That was the last time I seen her and my mom for a long time. Police came in. There was a dead body and I had the gun. I tried to plead self defense but it was useless. They charged me with first degree murder. The next time I saw the streets of Oakland was 8 years later.
But you know what Dad? I don't regret it. You got EXACTLY what you deserved.
My hate for you was all the drive I needed. Watching her bow down every single time pained me, so I had to fix it. The very thought was what made me so ruthless today. It also turned me into what I am now -- a cold blooded killer.
