Princess (Chris Martin fan fiction)

Chapter 8

Kendall's POV:

Its been 2 weeks exactly since I arrived to Dorset. I mean, its no Beverly Hills but its too much land and farms for my taste. I like hanging with Chris and the guys, though.

When the last bell rang Chris, Guy and I walked to the student parking to Guy's car. I walked between Guy and Chris because I feel that they've been fighting lately. I tried asking Chris what was wrong, but he told me he wasn't sure. I don't believe him, but I'll figure it out soon. "Sooo, are we going to the band practice?" I asked trying to avoid the awkward silence. "Yeh," Chris said, scratching the back of his head. "We're practicing one I kind of came up with."

"Yeh? Whats it called Mr. I-wrote-the-song." He chuckled, and said, "Superstition, but I think I'm going to change it." I nodded. "You should." He grinned and said, "Maybe you should be part of the band." I chuckled and turned to Guy. "What do you think, Guy?"

He looked up from his shoes. He smiled. "You could be our manager. Take us to the States, make us famous." I shook my head, "No can do, can't go back. Maybe after graduation." I shrugged. "Or I can just be a groopie." We laughed and got into Guy's car, radio full blast.

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I sat back in the couch while I watched them play Chris' song. I grinned as Chris got into his singing. The whole time is was thinking how free he looked, how vulnerable he looked when he performed his slower songs. I liked to see him like this...so human, a side that I try to shy away from. My mother always taught me to not really show I care. Begging and exploiting your feelings is not pretty Kendall. You want to be pretty, you want to be a princess, right? I nodded franticly. "More than anything mommy!" "Then don't even nod like that again and do what I said." I blinked and I was back in Chris' garage.

They ended with Will's big drum solo. It was completely epic and everyone seemed to back away in awe and cheered when it ended. He chuckled and got patted on the back as he approached us. "Jesus, Will that was crazy!" He looked down all modest, and I said, "No really, with you beating the shit out of those drums." The guys burst out laughing. "I'm never getting used to american girls." Guy grinned at me, shaking his head.

I noticed Chris shuffle his feet unconfortably and he said, "Okay, lads I think Kendall and I should get going. It's gettin late." He handed me my jacket and my backpack. I wined. "But I don't want to go home mom!" They laughed. "Don't worry, I'll buy you some candy on the way home." "Psh, don't lie to me Chris, I know you're broke and you have to use Johnny's car to take me home." He rolled his eyes smiling and said, "Now I won't buy you a thing." I waved to the band as we left.

The drive home was slow, but the good kind. The kind of slow were it seems that your problems melt away and life is the way its supposed to be. I turned on the radio and we listened to The Smiths. I hummed silently and Chris joined me. I felt like we were actually friends, I mean we are, but I felt like I could tell him. I felt like he already knew. The thing about it is that he listens and he understands.

"Chris," I said without thinking what I was going to tell him. "Yeh?" I bit my lip. "Have you ever been in love?" He was silent for a few seconds, letting the last notes on the song go by. He let out a breath and said, "The thing about love is that it finds me, but it seems I'm the only one it finds. I guess that makes me a hopeless romantic." He chuckled, but his smile faded fast.

"Was it Joy?" I asked softly, not wanting to know the answer. "There were girls that came and went, but since primary school it was always her." That hit me like a sack of bricks. "Do you still love her?" I held my breath. "No, I realized that there are better people that still exist." He turned and smiled at me, then turned back at the road.

"Im not a good person Chris."

Silence.

I sighed heavily. "I don't want you to think I am, you have become the most important person in my life and I don't want you to have the wrong idea of me." He still didn't say anything. He kept driving and we finally got to my house. We just sat there for a few moments. "What are you so afraid of?" He asked. "What do you mea- I know you're afraid of something because when I look at you I see myself. You try to act so confident and pretend like you have you life put together but you have no clue what you're doing."

I got annoyed. "Chris stop acting like you know me because you don't."

"Oh but I do. Kendall the past few weeks since I've met you I've felt like I was meant to be with you. Like I already knew you before I laid eyes on you." I scoffed. "What? Like soul mates? Well if you didn't get the memo you and I are only a thing because you wanted to get back at Joy. You don't want me."

"How can you possibly know what I'm feeling-? How can YOU possibly know me as a whole person? How can you be so blind as to believe that you want a piece of shit like me? Why do you want me? Is it because of my body? Typical, every guy wants me for my body. But you know what? I should have seen this coming. You became important because I believed you to be the one guy I could trust. But you know what? Fuck you and your so called 'feelings' for me-GODDAMNIT KENDALL I LOVE YOU OKAY? I FUCKING LOVE YOU. I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE COMPLETE AND UTTER BULLSHIT THAT IM JUST SAYING TO TRY TO CONVINCE MYSELF THAT I CAN ACTUALLY FEEL SOMETHING IN THIS DULL EXSISTANCE BUT ITS ALL TRUE."

I let the tears fall in the darkness, and I chuckled. "It makes sense to think you love me. I thought I loved you too because for once I feel something." A pause. "But I you're right it sounds like bullshit." My voice cracked. I lean on his boney shoulder even though it's a bit uncomfortable. He doesn't wrap his arms around me. I don't want him to.

"11:11" I hear his voice vibrate from his chest and I said dryly, "I don't think I have anymore dreams left." "And why is that?" He asked back, quietly, his heart beating faster. "Because all my dreams are dead, and you have handed me the shovel."