The Reunion

The Story, The Choice, The Reunion

I walked into school, trying my best to not get noticed by Carla and her Friends, but because in the luckiest person in the entire world, they sure as hell noticed me, crap, "Emo, come here" Carla laughed along with the others "Now, i want to talk to you", Nopee, i tried to walk past as fast as i could, without looking at her and pretending i didnt hear her, that didnt quite go to plan as she gripped my wrist and puled me back to her, she grabbed my shoulders and pushed me to the wall so i could no longer move to get away, my head hit the hard stones and i grunted in pain, Carla laughed, looking at her friends, feeding her ego, they laughed too, she came right into my face, very little space between us now, i was still against the wall, she looked deep in my eyes and spoke "When i call you i expect an anwer, you understand?" her voice was low and harsh, i didnt answer, i was scared to say anything and it was present in my eyes, she saw it without batting an eye she was quick to talk again " Aww, guys, she's scared" they all laughed together "poor, pathetic, looser" she spat, those final words cutting through my mind, and planting itself firmly into my memories, ive never stood up to her, for myself, ive always taken it but never given it untill now, i had finally after many years worked up the courage to defend myself, i breathed in and spoke, "Ooh, i bet your mothers really proud" although i had said this throu gritted teeth, fear and pain was still present in my voice, her eyes changed from their usual sly glance to an angry, revenge thirsty glare, she tightned her grip and gritted her teeth "What did you just say?" half growling half yelling "you heard" i hissed back more fear was audible in my voice and visual in my face, she shook her head with a devilish grin and with a low tone she had her answer "Wrong move, Looser" her hand lifted from my left shoulder, balled her fist and in sonic speed, so it seems, her fist came Colliding with my face, i instantly felt regret everything i said, i groand and held onto my face with my now free hand to then feel a shooting pain through my stomache and i fell lto the ground holding onto it to try to stop the pain, although it never works, i silently cried, well not to quite as one of the girls with Carla, Sally i think her name is did somthing other than laugh, her voice was sly "Aww look, Its crying" i burried my head into my knees, i felt something dig into my back for a split second leaving behind a huge amount of pain, to which i growned, "Not so hard now are  you" the voice was lower, it was clearly a male, yet i was too embarassed and humiliated to even look up, so i stayed in a small ball for self defence, hoping that they would leave me alone, if its good enough for turtles and snails, why wouldnt it work for me? wow in an idiot, i never realised i had zoned out into a world of my own intill i felt a foot hitting my side, with so much force i though it broke my rib, it had to be the guy, it was a big, more heavy/strong more force, like playing dogeball with the teams being mixed, the girls throws were mainly weak, apart from the real sporty ones, but the boys on the other hand we always alot harder and more forceful whether they were sporty or not, i stayed on the ground, crying became painfull, my somache, my head and my face now ached from crying, they continued crying, why is no one stopping this, "Get Up" Carla shouted already starting to pull me up, i obeyed, not wanting to piss her off any more than i already have, i got to my feet but continued to look at the floor, she grabbed my face and glared down at me "Your Pathetic, you know that, god your such a looser, your not worth it, hell you should just kill yourself, no ones going to miss you, look around no one cares" she spat in my face a forced me away from here, her hand was still holding my face, i stumbled back, i puuled the bottom of my top up to my face to wipe the spit off, and watched as they walked down the hall, i grabbed my back shoved in my headphones blasting my music as loud as i can, quickly running out of the school, i walked untill i got to a small park, only a few people there, a young mum and her son, and an elder with her granddaughter, i walked in heading toward the swings,  i sat faicing the field were an old man was walking his very old dog, he was a well groomed dog, and a very weathy old man, i lost track of time, i stayed on the swing listening to my music untill 3 o'clock then i left, i got home usual time i walked i different way to avoid bumping into anyone from school, you weren't home when got in so i went in my room, nothing new there right, i put my phone on charge and plugged my speakers into my phone and again played my music loud, then you text and told me you were on your way home soo i covered up my bruises with make-up and acted as if nothing happened for the rest of the day, you went to bed early, i waited untill 11:30pm you have been snoring for about an hour now, its 11:20, i got 10 minutes left, wow, im finally gonna be free mum, I'm soo sorry i had to end it this way, that you had to see it, i really am, i wish i could have said goodbye properly, i really do, but its too late, like i said, this day is set in stone, it will only fade away like everyother day, always there, never truely gone, but i want you to remember me how i was, happy, carefree, i am free now, ill always be with you, watching over you and keeping you safe, ill be... a.. daydream away, its 11:30 now...... I Love You Mum, Bye"

That was it, my life was over 10 mins after those last words were written, i was finally free.

the memory ended, the flash back was over, the all to realistic movie was finished, with no happily ever after for anyone, i was stuck in limbo full of regret and desire and hate for life again, with my nan who had died years ago, she placed her had on my shoulder, turned me around and looked me deep in the eyes "have you made your choice, Frankie?" her voice was gripping, so relaxing, welcoming and full of love and respect, no matter what she spoke about you couldnt help but listen even if you couldnt careless about the topic, i missed that, alot, i stared back into her eyes, and made the biggest choice of life, die or live, i nodded "yeah, i have" i was nervous to say least, in a flash of light we were back in the big white room face to face with the doors, she gave me a big hug, and kissed my forehead before walking me over to the door i chose, this is i guess, set in stone right? she lead me through and she disappeared, i heard muffled crying and pleading, i felt a hand holding tightly on my own, i was alot weaker now, so i held on as tighltly as i possibly could, it then became silent, i moved my head as much as i could, it still hurt, my mum looked up at me, hope in her eyes, i looked in her eyes, her hope turned to relief and pain, mine were pure guilt and regret also pain and anger, i used up the rest of my energy, i was quiet and soft, a tear slipped out of my eye, whilst they streamed like waterfalls from hers, "I Love You mum, im soo sorry" i have to turn my life around, make things right, do things for me and me only, take care of my mum, the doctor was still in the room, she told everyone in the room i needed sleep, to rest, although i was miles away in a daydream, i started drifting off to sleep, and for the first time in a long time i was happy to be alive, falling asleep with greatful, happy, hopeful tears in my eyes, rather than painfilled tortured, broken hearted ones, the last thing i heard before i had fallen completely asleep i heard my mums voice, "I love you too Frankie, Its okay" i was reunited with my mum, with my nan, with my life, and i was happy in that moment, i would go as far to say im okay yet, but i hope to be there soon, its time to get the help i should have gotten years ago, i slept peacefully, something that hasnt happend for ages, no nightmares, overthinking and no panic attacks, just plain dreemless, relaxing sleep, and i needed it.