The Burden of Secrets

Chapter 3

The floorboards groaned under my feet, cutting through the eerie silence of the house.

I hadn't seen anyone since after our group hug in the kitchen.  I had excused myself from the awkwardness and come upstairs. I'd just laid on my bed and stared at the wall, picking at the join in the wallpaper, making tiny tears.  Dad would be livid if he saw it.

Zane had come into my room a few hours later but I had pretended to be asleep. I don't know if he knew I was faking but he didn't call me on it and left. I dosed off at some point but it wasn't a restful sleep. It was full of dreams that I am pretty sure I wouldn't want to remember even if I could.

I heard some movement from his room above and pulled my shoes on quickly.  I didn't want to run into him now.  I was still mad he didn't tell me about what was going on with Dad. 

Truthfully I didn't want to talk to anyone. Notifications had kept popping up on my phone last night. After no contact from me on the group chat, my best friend had even rang a few times, but I ignored it. That was one person I wouldn't be able to keep this from. I didn't want to keep it a secret particularly but the idea of telling someone else about it, I am not sure I could find the words right now. Talking about it made it real, and 'real' meant feelings and, well, right now I was content with the numbness that had settled on me like a heavy blanket.

As I finished tying my laces, I noticed that my muddy footprints had been lifted off the floor and my pile of dirty clothes was now replaced with a washed, dried and folded pile of the same clothes on the hallway table.  So I wasn't the only one who had struggled to sleep. Mum was obviously trying to clean away her emotions. As I shoved them into my kit bag, my stomach grumbled expectantly. I hadn't had any dinner last night and despite the fact that eating was the last thing I fancied doing, I thought I had better at least grab a banana for the road.

I didn't notice her until I set my school bag on the kitchen island. Her back was to me as she sat at the small table. Her dark, blonde curls cascaded down her back. A jug of coffee, half empty, and a chipped mug sat in front of her. She must have been awake for a while. I thought back to my now clean clothes – maybe she never went to sleep.

She turned as she must have heard me. I could see the weariness etched into her heart shaped face.

"Zeke!" Her tone was surprised. I felt her green eyes travel me as she walked over to the counter. "I wasn't expecting you to go in to school today."

I shrugged a response but avoided eye contact.

"Maybe that is for the best. There isn't much that you can do here."

I nodded whilst I grabbed a banana.

"Want something to eat?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Not sure I am in the mood. Coffee will be mostly responsible for keeping me going today I think."

She smiled softly at me and I smiled softly back, meeting her eyes briefly.

"I better run, or I will be late."

"Ok sweetheart," She rose and put her arms around me. I was taller than her now but she got on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on my forehead. "See you after school."

"I'll be home about 5pm as I have school football training."

She frowned at me. "Not after last night's attack Zeke, no."

I frowned right back at her. "I am fine."

"Take today off and then you might be okay to play at the weekend." She settled a hand on her hip as she spoke.