The Project

The Condition

The dreams get more lively and the night terrors get worse! I think I might just be dehydrated but I don't know! I see people getting annoyed with me but I can't help it. This new medication is fucking me up! Apparently I've been talking in my sleep and it's really loud.
I'm in the transitioning of getting my own place and so with help from the Salvation Army I'm put into a hotel until everything clears up and I get the ok to move in. When I go to the VA and tell them what's going on they tell me I'm crazy and that I have schizophrenia but in reality it's the fucked up people around me that just fuck with my head. I ask them " Hey am I talking or bothering you if so let me know!" But all they ever say is "No your good!" Knowing damn well that I am causing a disturbance.
I don't get it if I am would you tell me so that I can get it fixed or do you like hearing the shit that I say? You really want to know what's going through my mind? You want to know how fucked up it is? Just for your entertainment! What I hide is so messed up that I even hid it from myself. I've set up a defensive wall that every time I think of it I automatically sing a verse from what ever song I hear last. It doesn't matter who it's from it just automatically triggers. I don't stop talking and I don't know why. The doctor I have been with for a while said there's nothing wrong with me I'm perfectly fine, but I went in there yesterday and complained, told them I have had enough. I'm tired of the weird looks and subconsciously arguing with people. I never use to be like this. I was the type of person that was nice to everyone and helped anyone in need to now I don't want to be around anyone and I flip out. They diagnosed me with schizophrenia but I know I don't have it. I'm not hearing voices other than the people around me talking to me while I'm subconsciously in thought.
When I'm conscious I don't remember anything that went on except when I go back to subconsciously thinking then everything comes to mind of all the events that have went on. Subconsciously I figure out motives before they even happen, I understand quick when someone trying to fuck me over, subconsciously when I'm being talked to It almost like a distant voice in the background barely understandable, but I'm already focused on the first thing I thought of that I'm oblivious to my surroundings and everything I think subconsciously spills out and everyone around me can hear it. At this moment I just woke up and it's 6:18A.M and I'm at the Scottish Inn. I guess I've been talking all night.
At 1 Am I woke up to someone shouting at me to drink some water. In my dream I had just passed out from riding a cranked up lawn mower, you know the ones that look like go karts well after I was done riding it I feel out around my parents and last thing i know I stared getting dizzy, lightheaded, and a blurry vision and Then they told me to drink some water.
At 3A.M I woke up to a car alarm, but in my dream some random dude that reminded me of an old friend name Luffy just ran out the store with a item he forgot that was in his hands so he returned it. I got light headed again with dizzy and blurred vision in that dream also right before I woke up.
Now 4 A.M I was on the ship with deed and Nathan and we just got done working out and decided to walk around with just our underwear. I was a buff guy so I happily joined. After a while everyone got in trouble so we had to walk the streets. In that dream I also started getting dizzy and lightheaded and woke up and drank some water.( Oh man I gotta tell Madea about this one in the morning.) Now it's 6 A.M( oh this one is good!) this dream consisted of military barracks and being on a ship in this dream I had my ex wife there and we had just bought pizza. I'm not gonna lie she just ordered pizza so she came over and hung out in my room while I started cleaning and getting ready for inspection. Next thing I jump to being on the ship and we are all getting ready for battle stations or GQ as we call it. So while I'm explaining to the new guys what there roles were this one little blond haired girl decides to block the whole triple wide P-Way and stop everyone from moving so I snapped and told her if she don't get the fuck out of my way......I woke up to someone saying "If you don't stop talking I'm gonna fuck you up!"
Yea that's the shit I hear the knocking thumping on the walls and the "hey people are trying to sleep! " If only I knew what the cause was but until then I guess I'm stuck with whatever wrong with me.
Out here it's an I don't care what you do just as long as you don't bother me. If it don't affect me then fuck it I find it entertaining but the minute it does then they get pissed of and want to flip shit all that extra stuff! I don't have to get up till 8 but because of the night that I have just had I think I'm just going to stay up and watch "Charmed" and at the same time and not try to talk!