How to Save Noah Brown

Chapter 1

Flashing lights. Pounding. Skin against skin. Is that my sweat or theirs? Burning liquor.
Toilet.
Painstakingly, my senses began to return. I slowly unpeeled my fingers from the cool white porcelain and whiped my lips with the back of my hand droggily. I was panting, I realised. My own laboured breathing surrounded me, and a shaking hand to my chest confirmed I was heaving. Violently.
"Holy shit."
Holy shit. Holy shit. Holy shit.
Blinking, I took in the empty bathroom beneath the sterile lights. Black tile floors. A huge shower in the corner, a separate  tub and marble counters. It was beautiful. And spinning.
How did I get here?
Who was I with? Where was I?
Why the hell did this situation feel so familiar.
"Don't you dare cry," I hissed out, feeling the sharp pricks begin to build behind my eyes.
Faintly, I could remember pulling up to a large house earlier in the night, already flooded with cars parked in the front lawn. Then faces, morphed and twisted by the multicoloured flashing lights and blurred vision.  Hot lips on my neck, their owner out of sight. And a hand, slowly unfolding like a flower, to reveal a small pill resting in the centre. It had a yellow smiling face. I remembered it made me laugh.
It all felt like a life time ago.
I clutched my head as a low moan escaped me. All I could feel was regret and self loathing crash down on me, unyielding and mercilessly trying to drown me. All I knew was I needed to get out now. All I could  do was stumble to my feet, and lean against the wall when the world jolted.
Pushing off, I drunkenly made my way to the door. The hallway was long and dimly lit, closed white doors glinting the light. I was thankful for the music blasting downstairs, that was surely blocking the evidence of what was happening in closed quarters.
I padded slowly along the carpet, my sole focus on getting out now. I was so focused, in fact, that I missed a huge 220 pound boy. Large hands wrapped around my waist to keep me from falling back, Owen Lewis uncomfortably close.
I tensed, knowing what was to come.
Every school had a boy like him, so hardworking, so willing, so desperate to get with every girl possible it was unnerving. He never missed his chances at parties to persuade any low hanging fruit of drunken females to follow him upstairs. His size and muscle alone made it hard to say no, he was persistent and grabby. Although he made the female population undeniably uncomfortable, the boys at Riverdale High adored Owen for his jokes, athletic ability on the football field, and conquests. He was able to carry on with little protest.
His large brown eyes were unfocused, as he raked them down my frame and a hand squeezed my side roughly. His mouth curled into a lazy smile as he murmured, "What do we have here," his eyes trained on my exposed cleavage. He reaked of whiskey.
I opened my mouth, ready to swat away any of his attempts with ease, he had begged for me before.
When his eyes reached my face, the drunken glaze seemed to vanish, as they sharpened when recognising my features. He quickly jolted away from me.
What the fuck? A hand went to my face self consciously.
"Oh god Noah. I'm sorry...I uhh, I didn't know it was you."
He was against the opposite wall avoiding my gaze.
"It hasn't stopped you before?" My dazed brain demanded me to slur.
He looked down, scratching the back of his head. "That was before...before you know..."
Realisation clicked into place.
"Before my sister killed herself?"
He didn't respond. My fists clenched at my sides, the thought not again, echoing.
I suddenly remembered why I didn't attend high school parties.
I paced past him, nearly running for the stairs.

The hallway opened up like a balcony, and as I made my way down, I could see the masses of bodies pulsating to the music, the flashing lights illuminating dark faces. I needed to get out now.
The smells and heat of the crowd met me at the bottom of the stairs and I shoved my way in roughly. Yells of protest from grinding bodies fell flat when they saw my face. When they saw it was Noah Brown. My cheeks flushed with embarrassment and anger, I made a beeline for the door.
With it in my sights I started walking faster, nearly out. I shoved into another taller body, and the boy fell back, his friends keeping him up.
"What the hell," he spat, his blue eyes flashing. I didn't bother explaining, just made eye contact with his friends who clearly recognised me.
"No man, leave it, that's..." His voice fell away  as I opened the door and walked out onto the porch.
It was late now, and headlights were flashing as a few people made their way towards them to get home.
"Hey you!" Wet grass and mud pressed between my toes as I ran after a girl walking back on her own. In my drunken confidence, I grabbed her shoulder, causing  her to turn in confusion. "Hey!" I exclaimed, recognising her features. "I have bio with you don't I? You're..."
I searched my delayed brain, a dark red rising to my cheeks.
She cocked her head, "Anna. And your Noah." She seemed almost excited.
I let out a breath of relief when she didn't seem offended, just curious. I watched her look me up and down, taking in my revealing, out of place dress, smudged makeup and bare feet. I looked like hell, and I knew it.
I had never spoken to her before, I realised. But what little I did know of her, her quiet friend group, unassuming nature, and her current intrigue with me prompted me to say, "I need your help. I need to get home. "
Anna blinked, taken aback by my forward request, but started nodding enthusiastically, "Oh really? Yeah of course I can, I can help you for sure. My car is just over here," she motioned awkwardly behind her, "So, if you just want to follow me..." She trailed off, flinching.
Hiding my amusement, I nodded and followed behind.
Her car was old and reaked of chlorine. "Do you swim?"
"Yeah, for state," she murmured, starting the car up and pulling out.
She was nervous being in the car with me. Whilst giving directions, I watched Anna tuck her strawberry blond hair behind her ear and remain tugging on it. Her unflinching gaze on the road ahead may have been good driving practice, but the way she chewed on her lip aggressively made me think otherwise.
"What is it?" She blushed, feeling my stare.
Watching her attempt at subtly whipping the sweat of her palms onto her jeans, I suddenly remembered the one previous thing I knew of Anna.
I had never seen her at a party before. The jeans and sweaters she wore proved she didn't often attend, and likewise we didn't run in the same social circles. But last year, a small rumour about her did meet my ears. It was said that Anna and a foreign exchange student from Sweden, named Elsa, briefly hooked up for a semester.
I smirked, enjoying the idea that perhaps this was the reason why she was so uncomfortable, that this was the reason she kept looking at my exposed legs, and wished it to be- it was refreshing.
Maybe her uncomfortable state wasn't due to the fact she was in the car with 'the girl whose sister killed herself.'
"Nothing Anna," I murmured, grinning at her slyly.
"Ok," she paused, and took a breath, "So what exactly happened tonight?"
When I didn't respond she continued on.
"I've heard of what you're like at parties," she mumbled, clinching the steering wheel tightly. "But I've never heard of you leaving one so early, or in such a state."
I whistled lowly, "Aren't you forward?"
She ducked her head shyly. "I'm sorry, I have a bad tendency to talk and then think later."
Maybe it was the fact that she was kind enough to give me, a stranger, a ride home or due to the fact I was under the influence, but I found myself attempting at a conversation.
"I showed up with my friends for the party. I must have gone a little too hard because all I can remember is hurling up stairs without my shoes or phone or wallet."
I turned my back to her, looking out the window so I didn't have to watch her expression.
"Why didn't you find your friends?"
They'd be so fucked out their minds it wouldn't matter whether they wanted to leave with me or not. And likely, they wouldn't want to. I chose to change the subject.
"I've never seen you at a party before."
She seemed unfazed, taking the topic change in stride as she took a sharp turn. "I guess I'm not the type to go, but my friend Maddie convinced me. She said that Jason Strewer's parties get so out of hand it wouldn't matter if I was invited or not. She was right, no one even noticed I was there."
I liked her, I decided. The husky tone of her voice was soothing, and despite her shy first impression, she was open and sharing, due to her lack of social knowledge. She was awkward in a way that made me feel comfortable in myself. I was comfortable being me.
When motioning, she came to a stop in front of my house gates, regarding it with wide eyes. "I've only been here once," she whispered, more to herself than me.
"To set flowers out after she died."
Her dazed eyes snapped to me, taking in my expression, suddenly hyper alert.
"Don't do that," I demanded. "Don't look at me like that. I'm not going to have a breakdown if you mention her name. I'm a person. You don't get to treat me special because of it."
Anna's mouth opened and closed, looking like a shocked fish out of water.
I blinked, my brain slowly catching up to what my mouth just spewed out.
Oh my god.
My hands went to cover my face in embarrassment and I leaned forward to rest my hands on my knees. I knew I looked like the broken girl I was not, but in my drunken stupor I couldn't find it in myself to care.
There wasn't an onslaught of tears or heavy sadness in my chest- and the traces of anger at my treatment were faint. I was hollow.
"Fuck, Anna-"
" Noah, I'm-"
"-sorry."
I looked at her for a minute, and for once, she held my gaze.
"Thank you for getting me home."
I got out and closed the door before she responded. I slowly made up the wet lawn, towards the large, quiet house with black windows. When I stepped through the door I heard her drive away.
In bed, I cried that night.