written words

.

why?

why was it that when i talked about my love for
one of my favourite musical artists that i was considered an annoyance?
but when you constantly talked about your love for another artist you enjoyed, i had never commentated?

why was it that when i said something, talking about something that you were against, i was written off as an ignorant and rude friend?

why was it that whenever you said anything about a certain topic that made me uncomfortable, or something i was against, you were never questioned?

why was it that when i said something that didn't relate to the definition or when i did not pronounce things correctly, i was explicitly shown, by you, as an imbecile?

why was it that when you pronounced things incorrectly, you constantly stated that you did not care what i thought, as my opinions and thoughts and actions and general being did not matter.

why was it that i was never able to retaliate to your comments on my being?

why was it that you commentated on me at all?

why did you constantly make fun of my appearance, and my personality, and my thought process, and my actions, and everything that ranges in between?

why was it that whenever i could even think of making fun of your appearance that i was considered a incredibly rude being?

why did you use my incorrect pronouns and name, even though i know you support transgenders? even though i know for a fact that you knew my pronouns perfectly, and yet you constantly used she and her? you knew the name i preferred? and yet, just to say something against me, even if i was trying to defend myself, you seemed to seek the exact grammatical or foundational error that would make me feel like i was being bathed in stupidity?

why were all my flaws and mistakes broadcasted to everyone you were associated with at the time?

why did you always commentate on everything i did, and all it did to me was discourage me to the point where i did not have confidence in anything anymore?

why did you always compare my issues to the bigger ones that surround the world? do my problems not matter?
and you know what has stuck to me for a while now?
when i told you about my problem, about what i had been going through, what i was struggling to accept, you told me it was not a big deal.

you are the reason i do not trust myself. the reason i do not trust my own judgement.

i have been discouraged, crippled, hurt, ignored, and i have suffered for months upon months upon months while i have never hurt you and never discouraged you and never discriminated you, but you do the exact opposite.

you have told me destruction is beautiful.
but what you do not realise is that while you are the destruction, i am not left beautiful.

(i know i have never talked to you in real life, and you're just some dumb internet friend of mine, but i wanted to let this all out you may never read this. i am not even sure if you have wattpad. but i did need to let this out. goodbye.)