I was crushed to the fullest. I couldn't even vent to anyone but Asia. I didn't want to vent to Ray because this wasn't his problem and I know Asia was sick of listening to me cry. The night after it all happened I came back in the house and walked in a zombie like fashion to my room. To just get my mind off of all of this would be perfect but it wouldn't happen. Surely I would have a dream tonight. I heard Asia say she'd stay until my parents came home which was about 10 minutes later. I'd fallen asleep by then according to the conversation Asia and I were having right now.
Sleep was the best thing ever for me but I couldn't stay sleep. I woke up 3 times throughout the night. Each from a nightmare. The first one was me reaching out for Roc as he hung onto the cliff of a mountain. My orange flowing dress blew in the wind temporarily hiding his face. I dropped to my knees and called out for him. But he only starred back at me with blank dead eyes. "Chresanto! Grab my hand! I can help you!" I screamed with more and more intensity each time. When the dream Roc spoke he said "But.. I hate you" and fell to his death. I knew he died because I heard a splat noise before the dream woke me and i burst into tears. I cried until I woke myself up. Still crying I arose from my bed feeling around in the dark for my lamp. I touched something cold and obviously shiny even in the darkness. I felt around some more with my other hand until the dim light flicked on.
It was his watch and under it was my necklace he'd given me for our anniversary. I usually didn't take it off so I wondered how it got off of me. I sighed deeply before crying again. Everything in me wanted to forgive him because I truly loved him. He was good for me and I was good for him but cheating was inexcusable especially with the dusty bitch he cheated with!
Eventually I drifted off to sleep again. My slumber was still uneasy and I dreamed again about Asia stealing Roc from me and then Ray stealing me from Roc. Both times I woke up crying because in the end Roc died. When I woke up for good the only thing on my mind was his safety.
I blinked sleepily before raising up to see Asia sitting on the floor.
"Good morning. I'm spending the day with you and we getting turnt up tonight!" She said loudly but soft enough for someone who'd just waken up.
I dryly smiled and went to get ready for the day. Well actually just freshen up because there was no way in hell I was stepping outside today. When I came out Asia was on my bed watching tv. "You got a text" she said.
I sat on the bed and read the text from Prod that read "babygirl you ok"
I replied "I'm..breathing. Thanks for asking."
By the time I got downstairs I had three more text. One from Prince, Nique and Jacob. I sighed and went to the kitchen Asia following behind me every step of the way. I opened the cabinet and pulled out a liquor bottle of whatever. I didn't care what it was. I swallowed the sour substance hard feeling just a little better when Asia snatched it out of my hand.
"What the fuck!" I yelled.
"Save it for tonight! Your family is still here!" She yelled back. I slumped forward onto the counter. I didn't know what else to do, I was sick of crying and I couldn't get my anger out. I needed to fuck something up like forreal.
I got up and went to the couch and Asia followed right behind me. "what happened to my necklace" i said in a daze.
"You were crying so much i didn't want you getting it wet or break it cause you were angry"
It seemed like her words buzzed by in slow motion "that was real gold you know" i said still dazed. My sentences weren't even making sense right now. But I didn't care
"I bet it was" I knew she didn't understand what I was going through so I couldn't expect but so much from her.
I couldn't get my mind off of last night or my horrible dreams. Today was just floating by me and I was stuck in one moment unwilling to move on.
