Self Harm/ Self Hate/ Depression

213

I'm so broken. It has become so obviouse. I'm emotionally destroyed and there is nothing to do expect watch me fall apart. Each day it gets worse nothing ever gets better. I'm so alone in this world that it's starting to really get to me. I always have to remind myself that it's my fault for people not liking me. It's all my fault. I'm ugly and fat. There's no one to blame but myself. It's so hard because no one knows the real me. No one knows what I have to deal with on a daily basis. No one knows nothing about me. They know me as a bubbly, outgoing, happy girl but that's not even close to what I am. That's just an act. That's just a lie. People always tell me to "just get over it" but how could I get over something so cruel. I will NEVER get over all pain that I was in. I will never forget the night when I was in so much deep pain that I had to grab a razor and glide it across my wrist just so I could get the pain that I deserved. I'll never forget the night I shoved my finger down my throat to make me thin. I won't forget the day where I decided that only a bowl of oatmeal was the right amount to eat a day. I'll never forget the day my mom packed her things and left me alone. I won't forget the nights I cried myself to sleep with no one to tell me it was all going to be okay. I won't forget the 30+ cuts on my arm that I did because I was so sad. Don't tell me to "get over it" when you know nothing. Do you think I like being this sad? No I don't but this sadness is all I have. This sadness has consumed me. And it's too late to save me from it.