The Stripper ~ Jb

10.

Alison's POV

I want to. God, I want to. No one has ever said anything to me like what he just said so beautifully. He makes me want to believe that anything is possible, that I can have what other people take so effortlessly from each other, but I know better. On the day I became Alison Rivera, I made a vow to myself that no one in my new life would ever know about Allexis. Allexis was the person I used to be. She died a terrifying, horrible death four years ago during the most hellish weekend of her life. When I made the decision to leaver her behind and become Alison, I did so with rules that can't be broken, not even with Justin.

He's the only person that I've meet since I've been Alison that I'm so very tempted to tell. I'm not even tempted to tell Katie and I've known her since I joined the club at the age of fifteen. I've only known Justin for two weeks and the fact that I'm already tempted to tell him about what happened, scares the living day lights out of me.

I knew I shouldn't have agreed to do this auction thing. I need to pack up my things and go home to my shitty apartment where I belong. The interlude with Justin has been wonderful, unforgettable in every way. But it's also served as a reminder of my limitations.

First, however, I make him understand that this is over. That I can't stay here any longer. "I want you to know... Every minute I've spent with you has been better than any time I've spent with anyone. You... You're so much more than I ever could've imagined."

He smiles at that, but it's not his usual smile. It's not the one with the deep grooves that line his cheeks when he's truly amused, or when his cute little dimple pops out when he laughs. "If you're saying good-bye to me, don't. We got carried away Alison. It won't happen again until you're ready to."

"That's just it Justin! I may never be ready to, and that's so unfair to you. You're better off with someone who can give you what you want. And that's not me. Just take back your money that you payed for me. I can't do that to you."

"God damnit Alison. I don't give a damn about the money. I only care about you. Can I say something here without sounding like a total nut head?"

"Can I stop you?"

He takes my hand and holds it tightly, as if he's afraid I'll get away before he can express everything he needs to say to me. "I've been with a lot of women. Probably too many to count. I've kissed them and fucked them and done things with them you'd no doubt dins distasteful at best, objectionable at worst. But I have never, ever had a woman react to me the way you do. And I have never reacted to any woman-ever-the way I do to you. So if you tell all I can do for the next year is kiss you, I'll take it. I'll take that over you walking out that door right now after telling me we're done."

I immediately want details of what he's done with other women that I would find so distasteful or objectionable, but I have no right to ask those questions. I also don't have the right to keep him from having sex while I wait till I want to.

"I'd marry you tomorrow, Alison. If you'd have me."

His words shock me and bring more tears to my eyes. "Stop it. You have no desire to be married. You made that very clear when you told me about your ex-wife."

"It was before you. Before you bowled me over and took all the oxygen with you."

The sad thing is, I want to believe him. I want to buy everything he's selling. I want to wrap my arms around him and never let him go. But I've learned to be wary and distrustful, except I haven't been with him. I've jumped in with both feet and practiced none of the usual caution I usually bring to every every new relationship and situation. In my new life, people have to earn my trust. I never give it away like I have with him.

"Do something for me." He faces earnestly into my eyes. "Give me this weekend. If, after that, you want out, I'll let you go. I'll never forget you, but I'll respect your wishes. I'll never keep you here against your will." After a pause, he adds, "Things got out of control tonight. It won't happen again, unless or until you want."

I'm torn in a thousand different directions at once. I want him. God, I want him so badly I burn from the inside for him and all that he's prepared to offer me. In the time that I've been living with him, he's made me forget 4 painful years spent largely alone. I'm risking all that hard-won freedom and emotional well-being with every minute I spend with him, and I'm doing it willingly with my eyes wide open to the potential fallout.

And I don't care. I want him as badly as he seems to want me. I take a deep breath and release it slowly, the way my counselor taught me to do when things get overwhelming. I force myself to meet his gaze, to look into intense brown eyes wen I say, "Okay."

"Yes?"

Nodding, I cling to his hand like it's the one thing keeping me from hurling into space, never to be seen or heard of again.

He moves cautiously to put his arms around me. I rest my face against his bare chest, breathing in the scent of soap and deodorant as his tattoo covered chest, that barely realized he had any tattoos on his chest, brushes against my cheek. "Whatever it is, whatever you need, I'm here, Alison. You're not alone anymore."

I want more than anything to believe him, to hold on to his words and his assurances with everything I've got. But I know better than to be that foolish. So I give him the only thing I've got to offer-one weekend. After that, I will leave him, and never look back,

I'm very good at that...

•~•~•
IM BACK!!!!! Yay!!!! Lol. Sorry I haven't been updating. I've been so busy with school and work since I started working. Hope y'all like this chapter. Tell me what you think. Means a lot to me. Cx -Allexis