Thoughts

i can't even

"Did you know that there's a man out there who steals photos people post and sells them in museums, taking credit for them?"

All I did was take a Snapchat of Leah for my BFF back at home, and this is what she says to me as she notices my phone pointed in her direction.

It's winter break and I was invited to go to a winter retreat with Mae Poppins Private School, my all girls private school. I could name off several disappointing things about going here, but I'll name off just one.

I can hardly stand most of the girls here.

I'm against competing with girls. They're just like me. Why can't we accept each other? Unfortunately, this is not how they see things. 

So I delete the video and resume reading my book. 

Beside me, when Leah is done with her fit, Clover says to me, "I think she overreacted. She didn't need to say that. But I guess she's just stressed and things just come flying out of her mouth when she's in a tight spot." I sit in silence and stare out the window.

Leah and I used to be close. She's a school counselor and I'm a student with many things I need to say. 

One day my teacher told me that I needed to see Ms. Coleman to have a "chat". I packed up and headed to the Counselor's Office. Just as I was checking in, Ms. Coleman / Leah walks out of her office and greets me. We walk into her office and the first thing she says is, "You seem like the kind of girl I could talk to all day long." I was shocked at this, especially since I'm not the overly excited or happy kind of person. My facial expression 99.9% of the time is nothing but a neutral look, which people like to call "unhappy", and I don't have great conversations with people I don't know. 

She noticed that her comment made me slightly uncomfortable, so she chuckled and apologized. I squirm a little and try to smile. 

"So anyways, what are you doing here? What do you wanna talk about?" I opened my mouth but nothing comes out. This is the most uncomfortable thing I've done. Eventually, I got it out. She helped me. We talked some more. I asked her more questions. The ice officially broke. I ended up being tardy for my next class, but I walked out of her office with a smile on my face.

And now? I feel as if all I do is irritate her. And it's me. Just me. She loves everyone else. She's made comments about how Clover is her "favorite", and all the other girls says things she laughs at. That used to be me. I realize I need to snap out of it, so I do. I decide to listen to my favorite playlist and go back to reading.