If Only

1: If It Wasn't Her

Why does it have to be her? Why can't it be someone else? Anyone else. Its not like it matters. I mean she's never going to know anyway. Even if she did it nothing would happen. The most that would happen would be that we talk about it and then she goes back to her friends and they talk about the weird girl that sits in the back of class that likes their friend.

If it only it wasn't her. If it was someone else I might actually have a chance but I'm not that lucky. I should just give up. I've tried many times but my brain didn't win. My heart did. My heart wants her and only her. Unfortunately my heart isn't going to get what it wants. If she finds out my heart is going to be shattered beyond repair.

I was pulled out of my thoughts by a tap on the shoulder. I looked to my left to meet the bright green eyes of a boy I have never talked to. I looked away from his eyes to the hand that he had outstretched towards me. He was holding a folded piece of paper, motioning for me to take it. I took the paper from him and turned forward in my seat. I looked up from the paper to my English teacher that was deep in the middle of a lecture. When I knew she was too engrossed in the topic she was talking about to notice me I unfolded the piece of paper.

"I need to talk to you. Meet me at the coffee shop across town after school. P .S your hair looks really nice today."

I looked up from the demandingly pleasant note into the dull blue eyes of the girl I constantly think about. She winked at me and mouthed 'The note's from me.' I nodded my head slightly before I stuck the note in my pocket and tried to pay attention to my teacher for the remaining 5 minutes of class. Needless to say I zoned out again and almost jumped out of my seat when I heard the bell ring signaling the end of school.

I bounced out of the classroom with a sea of people surrounding me as I made my way to my locker. When I found my locker I opened it and then sat my books in it then grabbed my bag before making my way down the hall and stopping next to my best friend's locker. Her name is Nicolette and we have been best friends since the day in 1st grade when she came up to me and cut the gum, she stuck in my brown hair, out. It was an accident of course and she apologised after she put the gum in my hair. Since then she has only gotten gum stuck in my now electric blue hair twice.

Her head was in her locker looking for something lost in the mess of stray papers, folders and books. I tapped her shoulder and stood back as she jumped and banged her head on the top of her locker. I bursted out laughing.

When she pulled her head out she glared at me with narrowed eyes and said "What are you laughing at Scar?" She used my nickname I have been given by many.

"Oh nothing. I have news though." She immediately lightened up. That girl loves to hear news. She is like the gossip queen. "Oh! Tell me, tell me, tell me!", she exclaimed while bouncing on her toes.

"Well Saraya may or may not have written me a note in English class that told me to meet her at the coffee shop across town because she needs to talk to me."

"Seriously?" Nicolette exclaimed.

"Yeah. I mean I have no idea what she wants to talk about but I mean what harm can come out of talking you know? Unless it has something to do with me kind of, sort of loving her and then it would cause a lot of problems. Oh God Nicolette what if she knows? What if she wants to tell me to stay away from her and never talk to her again? What if..." I was cut off from my rant by Nicolette's hands on my shoulders telling me to breath.