The Nightmare

The Nightmare Embodied

Hater, stupid, ugly, boring, to opinionated, not good enough, an embarrassment, monster, liar. This is the image in the mirror.

I fought so hard. I tried my best and I still lost. I am so tired. It seems I can't create anything beautiful. I feel lost. I feel so alone. I can't say how I feel. I'll never tell anyone my dirty little secrets, the things I think when no on is around. The pain I internalize. I see myself as a monster. I have for a long time. When I look in the mirror I see my past mistakes, my embarrassment , my hurt. I try and try again I push forward so I'll forget. Becuase I'm not strong, I'm a good liar. I hate myself, I hate that I never feel good enough. I Don't love who I am the corruption in the world. My pitch black soul, I feel so dark inside. I can't tell people that I'm tired, that I hate it. I hate this world, I don't want to save it. I want to see it burn. What kind of person doesn't hope for redemption? How evil does one become? Why should I fight when I'm surrounded by the same hate I have, but they show it. They embodied it, let it consume them. Why can't I? 

I touched the brink of insanity, I saw the edge of the end. I became a lost soul when I realized the truth about the world. The darkness I thought was not my own turned out to be my core. I was the monster they feared. I thought that the world was cruel, but I was the cruel one. Honesty hurts the most, doesn't it? The bitterness it can show  the darkness truth. The words of honesty cut through likes knives just stabbing you in the back. When I close my eyes I wonder if this darkness could have been avoided with kindness. When I do allow  myself to think of  what if. It makes my heart turn blacker.