INTJ Thoughts

March 1, 2016

It has been almost a year since I started this. Right now I'm listening to Nicotine by Panic! at the Disco. Like the description says, I don't read what I wrote previously before adding to it. That is partially because I don't want to try to continue a thought months later, and partially to avoid a "cringe attack" (as described by Dan Howell.) 

A lot of stuff happened in my family since the last time I wrote in this. A lot of people came to me and asked if I was okay, how my parents were doing, etc. Some of them knew all of what was going on, some didn't. I could tell who was who. It got really annoying that everyone kept assuming that I had some sort of emotional response to what happened and that I needed to talk about it or needed them to say that they were there for me. Part of what happened was that my dad had cancer. It was a slow-growing tumor localized to his left lung, so it wasn't a huge deal. It just involved a painful surgery, but nothing more. My mother kept getting upset with me when I didn't react emotionally to the fact that he "could die." My reasoning was that not only did I know that the chances of him dying were extremely small (the surgery was the most dangerous part) but also that I do not "care" when people die. By this I mean that I accepted at an early age (about 4, actually, but that's another story) the fact that everyone dies. My mom said that she shares the same idea, but she doesn't like when people die unexpectedly.  I don't feel the same way because to me no death is unexpected. It may not have been specifically expected, but accidental deaths happen to healthy people all the time. I don't constantly think about people dying I just think "oh, that sucks" and move on when it does. I also don't like funerals because I find the people crying excessive and annoying. I find a lot of public emotional responses to things annoying.