I don’t know about this chapter. I have been kinda in a writers block but I tried. Im somewhat getting it to where I know it to be, lol but feedback please guys. It’d mean the world. its also not that long but it will get better <3Vote, Comment Do watcha gotta <3 :3
Chapter 3:
I hate making promises that I know I can’t keep. This time though it feels different I feel like I can do it. When I packed my stuff to come here I made sure to pack my razor. I know it was a bad idea, but I cant go without it. There is so much stories it has that go with it.
“So Star what do you want to do today. We don’t perform until tomorrow.”
“We could go out to lunch and get to know each other a lot better?”
“Yeah, sure where do you want to go?”
“Is there a park around here?”
“I don’t know maybe we can grab something to eat at mcdonalds?”
I guess that would be fine its not like me and him couldn’t get to know each other better at McDonalds rather a park.
“Yeah lets go.”
The walk there was short and soon we were standing in line getting our food. Kellin said he was paying, I didn’t want him to because I know how expensive tour and stuff is. He still pushed that he would so I let him this time but next time I am buying the food.
“So you like Danny.”
It was more of a statement than a question.
“Yeah I showed him the scars kellin…”
“How’d he take it?”
“he made me promise I wouldn’t do it again. I was going to ask you if you could help me with it actually.
I don’t think I will able to do it on my own.”
“Yeah I understand im here to help.”
“kellin no matter how much I want to please, keep it away from me.”
I slid the little bag of blades I had to him. I don’t know what he would be thinking but the moment he seen that they were used his expression turned to worry.
“when?” he asked, I was clueless.
“what?”
“When was the last time you used them.”
“The night before the concert.”
I didn’t want to tell him were though it was my secret spot I never showed anyone it. It was righ under my arm. Against my ribs, I know it’s a bad place but so far it’s the only spot that hasn’t been used yet. Nobody could see it, my bras strap hid it and my shirt.
“Can I see?”
Crap
“No.”
“Why not? If you want me to help I have to see.”
“I cant its my only private spot. Please and I cant show you in public.”
He gave me a bit of a confused look. I gave in and I pointed to the spot.
His eyes widened, he then looked me in the eyes with a look of sadness.
The one look I hate, i hate when people tell me to stop or that its bad. Judging by the look on his face he was thinking both.
I covered my face.
I could feel the tears, the giant lump in my throat I get right before im about to cry. I cant stanf seeing that look he just gave me.
I held in the tears and ate my food. He was silent for a while thinking about this all.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket and began to text someone. Probably his wife, I wish I could find love like that someday. I know Danny doesn’t love me the way Kellin love his wife.
Nobody will ever love me, I’m unlovable. I had finished my food, I picked up kellins trash and mine and threw it out.
Soon he smilled up at me and we headed back to the tour bus. I guess that went well, I knew he was there to help me when I needed him. And that’s all I needed someone there for me when I felt the most alone. That’s the best feeling ever, knowing someone is there to catch you when you are falling.
I love Kellin he has been my savoir since day one.
“Thanks.” I told him
“For what?”
“For being here. For not voicing your judgement even though you want to. For taking me in and helping me throw away those blasted things.”
“Star, I’m not going to judge you.”
He was great just them we had walked around to the tour bus and were about to get on when danny came up and asked for me.
“Star, mind coming her love?”
“Yeah, Hey danny”
We went and sat down on these little bench things.
“Love, Im here for you.”
“Yeah?”
Wonder what this is about.
“I know you might feel abit alone here on tour with Kellin and the guys. Just know im here for you. When you need to talk, or you just feel lonely. Text, call, skype whatever I don’t care im here for you.”
Goddamit Kellin… He told him.
“Danny, don’t worry. I am okay now.”
“No you’re not love. I know it. It gets harder now. I am here, no matter what until the moment I cant be here anymore.”
I felt the lump forming again from earlier. I could feel the tears stinging at the back of my eyes.
No im not going to cry im a big girl. I can do this.
I turned away from him and took a deep breath.
“Don’t do this because you feel bad for me.”
“Don’t do what?”
“Lead me on Danny”
“Im not leading you on Star. I care for you and don’t want to see you hurting or in pain.. Please me or kellin just talk to one of us. Just do-don’t c-ut. Please”
I could see a bunch of emotions swirling in his eyes. It just made holding back the tears so much harder.
What if he is only doing this as a favor to Kellin. I cant let him get close, I have to be guarded. Until I know this real. I cant be hurt I cant fall for someone knowing they don’t love me the same.
“Okay. Bye danny.”
I gave him my number and went back into the bus and laid down in my bunk.
No this isn’t how this is supposed to go. I supposed to let him love me and me love him back. Live happily ever after and not question it. I cant do that though like I said im damaged, Unlovable.
I closed my eyes and drifted into a fright filled dream. Mainly about my past.
