Not the Only One

"You" C1

   I stood still, looking over the horizon. The reflection of the sky was painted on the poignant waves. The tides were coming in soon so I took a few steps back. Cool, briny water soaked my numb feet. Actually, my whole body was numb. I couldn't stop thinking about you. I remember the first time I fell for you. In a way, it was kind of stupid how we fell for each other. It was at a concert. We were also included in it, I was playing the flute and you played the clarinet. During our rehearsals, I recall looking over you multiple times while we played that one song, Happy, by Pharrell Williams. 

 When we caught each other gazing into one another's eyes, I felt nervous and giddy. I couldn't help, but smile as a shade of crimson flushed my cheeks. You, too, smiled and blushed. Then, we looked away and continued to play. Anyways, when we performed at out concert, that one part of the song that says," Happy, Bring me down..." everyone was looking straight ahead of the audience, band students clapping to the rhythm of the music, just like the recording (only the flutes were playing the medley right then). You just happened to look over again at me. After feeling your gaze, I glanced over and smiled. You started turning beet red and right there, I thought you would look away. But we kept starting at each other for, what seemed forever. 

 That was, until you had to play again. At the end, you gave me a quick, crooked grim and walked away since the concert was over, and your parents were waiting for you outside. I was also shocked and somewhat nervous, after the very next day, you started walking toward me. We were chatting like old friends. But friends with DISADVANTAGES! That was only because my close BFF also use to like you (and still does) and it would seem rude to take him for me. I felt stupid to think something could spark within us. And really, it did. After being super annoying and head over heels (not a stalker) over you, you seemed less interested and well, you forgot about me. I shook my head and started walking home. I am such an idiot! Why in the world did I act like that, I actually don't know. 

 I never felt so crazy for a guy. You would think that after you sent a rude text to me, that I wouldn't like you anymore. Well, I still do. Maybe we were just better at being friends. I always had you at my side, like a brother. But deep down, I know you're NOT just a brother. You are so much more. And- ! Steaming tears began to swell, and then a cry came out of me. The double tied knot on my throat couldn't hold my emotional roller coaster anymore. I wish we were still friends, Aiden. I wish you'd forgive me after being a brainless, too-attached friend. I bet you don't even consider me as a friend since I acted like glue. Messy, sticky, and annoying. But that's going to change. I began to walk home, tired of hanging out at the beach alone. I remember hanging out here with my friends a lot, but now that it's summer, we don't really have a way to contact each other. Especially since my parents denied me about getting a phone. Of course I was envy of all my friends having one, I mean how juvenile would that be?! Ok, so maybe I was a little, but that's not the case. 

  Luckily, summer is almost over! I could hang out with my friends again and ask for some advice about all this boy drama. Honestly I am sooo confused. Ok, so while I was all lovey-dovey and falling for Aiden, there was another guy. His name was Johnny and I was actually crazy for him in 4th grade, but since he had a girlfriend, and his girlfriend was my close friend, I didn't want to go in between. Johnny broke up with her the very year he started to have feelings for me. I remember that during the concert when me and Aiden were falling for each other, Johnny complimented on how I looked. He was all shy like and said," Wow! You look super cool." Of course I blushed and I had fluttery hummingbirds dancing in my tummy. BUT ever since he left, it feels so... weird without him. I don't really know who I like now. I mean, I still have feelings for Aiden, and/or maybe have feelings for Johnny. I am so bewildered with boys. I just wish to pick right one and see both of them at the same high school I am going to to, because I don't one of my boys, I want both of them. I know I'll figure out who is my bro and who is the one for me. But for now, I just want Aiden and I to be friends and to somehow get Johnny's dials. Boys are so complicated.