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Before I turned the corner, I thought to myself for a moment. I had to lure her in with pure lies and a hint of kindness that usually doesn't pour out my heart unless I grow a sensitive spot for you in my heart. The rareness of that made me want to head back to the asylum, but I didn't come all the way out here to just turn and go back now.
"Hey baby, you okay?" My baritone concerning voice jerks her entire being as I approach her, she scuffles towards the large consumption of crates and covers the tray and stares blankly at me. "I ain't gonna hurt you."
"Who are you?"
"My name is Jax, I was passing through and I heard you back here. What you on?" It was evident she was on cocaine, I know what she was doing. She couldn't hide evidence very well.
"You don't need to know my name. It don't matter, I'm set out to be just like my mother and dead like my two brothers, my name don't matter." She muffles looking down at her skimpy clothing. I take in a breath of the cool night and shove my hands into my jean pockets. Fidgeting with blade between my fingers warily.
"I told you mine."
"Leave me alone would you? I don't need help from men like you who claim you wanna help me but try and rape me instead." Her words are standoffish and I don't know what to say other than,
"I wouldn't rape you." And that's not the truth.
"I'm a drug attic! I'm in love with the coke! Now leave me alone would you?"
This changed everything, she was drawing a soft spot for herself with me, and my mission was failing. She was suffering with addiction, and I wasn't going to fuck with her mind. I was going to help her.
"Take my hand." My hand is outreached and she gives it amusement and starts shuffling up her belongings. Once she stands, she finally takes my cold hand and I lead her round to a vacant row house I snuck in often if I needed to be alone. Turning the pick I used resting along the top railing, I shoved it inside and creep inside. Finding the lighter I occasionally used to light candles, I lit the room up with just four rather than ten and scattered them along the room. Her outfit portrayed her slight curves and her eyes were dreary along with her posture.
"When's the last time you got some good sleep?"
"When ever I got laid." She whispers and her cheeks flush but her eyes drip with tears.
"Look you don't gotta cry. Alright? I'm here for you princess. Wanna get washed up?"
"Please. Just don't hurt me." Her words are heart broken like she is and I nod, waving off the candles and kicking the air mattress to the side, I take up her hand and head to the corner store along the block. Then I was going to find her a cheap motel for her to stay at, it's the least I could do.
For some reason fog picks up and it's getting thicker than I'd imagine. The sign of Exxon appears in its laminated sign and I swiftly open the door for her. She walks in and stares at the rows of endless junkfoods and beverages. "What do you want me to do?" Her words make me wonder and I shrug.
"Anything you want, pick it up, I'll buy it."
"I want a hot shower." She mutters.
"There's a Motel 6 down the road." I hand her a twenty dollar bill and she fiddles with it, awkwardly glancing up to me.
"Why are you insisting on helping me?"
"I don't know, just let me?"
I dropped my pen and glared at the creaking door opening.
My sister escorted in Teressa.
Teressa sat in the chair infront of my desk and my sister closed the door.
"Let's swap?" I hand her what I had just written and she hands me what she has been meaning to tell me for the last two years or so.
I told Teressa to write how she feels, and I've wrote about when we first met. It made me feel like I wasn't as fucked up in the head as I thought I was.
-Teressa Evans
I wanted to crumble up his indistinct cursive, shred the paper and never read it again. Because that's when I was so unstable. Jaxon did help me that day, but a week later he admitted me into that asylum and was my doctor. He toyed with my body and emotions, and though he read my letter he stared me in my eyes and read it aloud. I hated reading what I wrote him.
"Desensitized from you. From you? How could I be? When you gave me all of you and never turned away from me with every grace given to you by God... But I am baby, because you made me this way. I've never been exploited to such treatment until I met the new you... Dammit I wish I didn't meet the new you, because I'm now desensitized... And all I feel is the numbness sinking in like it was meant to be.From, The one you used to love." He says. He places the paper down and cups his chin in his hands.
"Who said I ever stopped loving you?" Oh Jaxon how could you ask me that? You know I'm so desensitized I can't even explain to begin the way I feel, I don't even know how to feel. I just know you don't love me anymore.
