Letters to Leah

6: At a Loss

Chapter 6: At a Loss

            “Sam! Hey!” I shouted down the hallway the next morning. Sam stopped walking and turned to look at me. He smiled that dazzling crystal smile and let me catch up to him.

            “Hey, Noella. I hope you had fun yesterday; I really enjoyed it,” Sam told me. I nodded, getting lost in his eyes. Memories of last night flooded my brain, and I could feel myself grinning wider and wider. I heard him chuckle, and snapped back to reality. “Were you thinking of me sweetheart?”

            I started blushing. I had been caught red handed, and I didn’t know how to respond. Leah was always great at flirting and finding the best words to say, but I never really had much experience with it. I gave him a shy laugh and he looked at me as if he knew he was right. “It’s ok, you were my first thought when I woke up this morning.”

            At this, I stumbled over my thoughts. “Awh Sam, you’re so sweet!” Why did he have to say that? Can’t he tell that I’m melting just standing here next to him?

            Sam grabbed my hand; I felt the softness of his skin as he led me to class. We chattered more, and I couldn’t stop thinking about our date yesterday. I loved how his strong arms encircled me while we cuddled. I sat in my seat when we got to class, and Sam sat next to me again. It’s been a whole week since he started sitting with me, and I still can’t believe he does it. I noticed he was wearing his Medic shirt from the blood drive, and it reminded me of the hospital. I need to go see Leah tonight, but I don’t want to go alone. “Do you want to go with me to visit Leah tonight?” I asked Sam.

            “Sure Noella, right after school?” I told him the details, and we decided to go out to eat before going to the hospital. Is this another date, or are we just friends? Surely he wouldn’t have kissed me last night if we were just friends. I could still feel the softness of his lips against mine. My stomach turned to butterflies, and my thoughts became mush again. He’s taking me to eat, that’s all. It’s no big deal.

            Between thoughts of Sam and trying to pay attention in school, my brain was fried by the time the final bell rang. Things are all jumbled up, and I’m pretty sure I tried to take my calculator to English class this morning. Of course, Sam laughed at me. His laugh was teasing and had a childish feel, but it was his fault I couldn’t think straight. We went to each of our lockers when the final bell rang. I realized that we both had driven to school this morning and told Sam. He said he’d follow me home and we could take his car tonight. When I went home I carried my stuff in and made sure that I looked okay, reapplying chapstick before heading out to Sam’s car. He walked around to the passenger side of his car and pecked me on the cheek before opening the door for me and letting me climb in.

            I plugged my phone in to the radio and played music on the way to the restaurant. Sam had mentioned that he liked several different bands that I also liked, so I started with Skillet and let it shuffle. It was so comfortable sitting in the car with him, and we both ended up singing to a few of the songs.  Again, he wouldn’t tell me where we were going. He sure liked surprises, but I thought to myself that eventually he would stop. We pulled into the parking lot of my favorite Mexican restaurant in town. I glanced over to see him smiling and leaning closer to me. I closed the distance and we kissed a few times before he climbed out to open my door.

            He took my hand and we entered. I could smell salsa and peppers, and I was instantly starving. We each ordered the special for the day and ate leisurely, talking and laughing. Sam, being the gentleman he was, paid for both of our meals. Shortly after leaving the restaurant, the hospital came into view. I grew a little uneasy.

            Sam saw my uneasiness and led me gently by the hand through the doors of the hospital. The smell of disinfectant and illness overwhelmed my nostrils and burned my eyes. I was growing more and more uncomfortable by the second, and I hurried to the elevator, on a mission to get to Leah’s room.

            Once we got there and went in, my uneasiness lessened. She was ok. Something just didn’t feel right though. It was like the room had become cold and lifeless and mechanical, and all the hope had left. Feeling like this made me want to cry, but I still wondered what had happened. We stood there, Sam and me, and watched Leah’s unmoving body. Sam pulled me into an embrace and assured me everything would be ok. I let him hold me for a few minutes before going to sit on the edge of Leah’s bed. I reached to caress her pale face with my hand, and then got up to leave.

            We exited Leah’s room, and a doctor stopped us before we could get too far. His face was expressionless, and it made me wonder how much longer I’d be able to go without bursting into tears. “Leah’s parents left shortly before you got here. You just missed them.”

“Has she made any progress to get better?” I asked the man. His grim countenance was sickening me.

I could see the slight side to side shake of his head though he tried to make it imperceptible. Had I blinked, I would’ve missed it completely. “She is in the same state as she was when she was admitted last Sunday. If she doesn’t wake soon, the chances of her survival are slim to none. We told her parents, and it was easy to see that they both wanted to cry. Before they left, they appeared numb, as if trying and hoping was too exhausting for them.”

Disbelief overwhelmed me. How could Leah’s own parents virtually give up on her? It just didn’t make sense to me. “Thanks for informing me.” I responded coldly. I turned and walked in the direction of the exit. It took a minute for Sam to realize I had gone, and I could hear him running to catch up. We sauntered back to his car, but he didn’t open the door for me this time. Instead, he picked me up and sat me on the trunk, and I stared at my hands in my lap.

“She will make it through this Noella. I know she will. God is watching over her.”

I lifted my gaze to him and attempted to smile, but it was useless. I wasn’t going to give up on her like her parents had, but I couldn’t help feeling that it was getting harder and harder to stay strong. Sam hugged me again, and the tears started flowing from my eyes. I couldn’t believe it was possible that I might never laugh or smile again with my best friend. I might never even speak to her. The doom and gloom set in and sobs racked my body. Sam held me tighter and tried to calm me down. “Will you take me home?” I asked him. He lifted me off the trunk and eased me into the passenger seat, kissing my forehead before closing the door.

“It’s going to take a miracle for Leah to be healthy and things to be back to normal,” I told him. My voice was shaky and I swore to myself not to talk for the rest of the ride home. He drove, and we sat in silence. It started to rain and I was suddenly very tired.

We arrived at my house and Sam looked at me. His face was hard to read, but I thought he might have been studying me. “Thank you for going with me, Sam, and thank you for dinner too.”

“You’re welcome.” That was all he said. I began to worry as I climbed out of the car. Had my tears scared him off? He startled me by speaking again, “Miracles do happen Noella. Just remember that.” I felt selfish for being so closed minded, so I smiled, nodded, and walked inside.

I went to my room and curled up in my bed. I thought of Leah, and remembered that I still had to write today’s letter. I made a mental note to do it, and allowed myself to wallow in despair for a little while longer.

I woke up and the light was still on. I didn’t remember falling asleep, and I checked the time. It was 9:30. I crawled out of bed and went to my desk so that I could tell Leah everything. Well, everything except that her parents had pretty much lost hope. I tried to keep the letter cheerful while still telling her about the events of the day.

After the letter was written, sealed, and put away, I went back to my bed. I had grabbed my laptop and gone to Google, searching for ideas. I needed hope and ways to possibly bring Leah back to consciousness sooner, because after today, I was at a loss.

*A/N* Sorry for taking so long with this upload. Things got hectic. I really hope you guys like it, so please comment and vote!