*Flash Back*
I take a deep breath in and close my eyes, the salty air is crisp and burns my lungs. The sharp breeze from the waves cut through Harry's hoodie but I welcomed it, cold is starting to seep into my thin jeans from the damp sand beneath me. It was another sleep less night and I found myself sitting on the beach staring out into the ocean. I'm left alone with my thoughts as I watch the sky change. When I came out it was a dark blue changing into a beautiful indigo but after many hours the purple is starting to fade and a brilliant pink is staining the sky. If this were a painting it would be done with water colours, it's the only thing that could capture the moment perfectly. I can see the faint glow of amber peeking above the water line, the sun is starting to rise, coming with it yet another painful day.
My gaze drops down to the water, everyone always looks at the sky when the sun rises but never at the water. It's a shame, it truly is breath taking, the colours slosh together with the gentle waves creating bright streaks in the dark blue.The first rays of sun hit the water and reflect causing the water to sparkle like a million stars on a cold winters night. I feel as if I'm alike the ocean in many ways. Nobody sees the oceans true beauty, they will enjoy it for a while sure but soon as something better comes along for instance a sun rise they forget about it. They don't bother to look back at the ocean and see how it changes with the sun, how it truly shines when the sun hits it perfectly. There is no complete knowledge of the ocean, there is so many beautiful things within its depths yet no one is bothered to discover it. The ocean knows how it feels to be human, how to be there but forgotten.
"Couldn't sleep?" Harry's raspy morning voice bounces me back into reality. I look up at him and nod my head, his curls are sticking out in all sorts of directions and his normally blazing green eyes are dull with sleep. He hands me one of two steaming mugs in his hands and carefully lowers himself beside me. I wrap both hands around the mug and bring it to my lips. The steam warms my face as I gently blow on the chocolaty brown liquid.
"Want to talk about it?" I hear the concern in his voice, he's worried for me, and to be honest I'm worried for myself too. I shake my head, there's nothing to talk about. Harry knows that I'm sick and I know it too, its just not a common sickness like the flu, the doctors say I'm depressed, I say that I'm lost. I don't know what happened to me, if I just woke up one day and felt different or if it started years ago and slowly built its way up. Harry stayed with me during all this, I truly thought he would of left, he didn't sign up for any of this. We were only dating for a couple of months when I changed but he insisted that we move in together. I thought he was crazy seeing that we were only teenagers at time but it ended up working out. I don't know how he did it but he convince both our parents. Harry has always had this way with people, he's always been charming. His parents rented him out the beach house and we've been here for a year now. And everyday for the past year Harry wakes up to an empty bed and finds me shivering on the beach.
I see the pain in his eyes when he looks at me, and I wish that I could come back, that I could get better for him. He's been helping me a lot, Harry's my light at the end of the tunnel, but nobody prepared me for how long and dark this tunnel called depression is. I can feel the hot tears run down my cheeks and see them splash into my hot chocolate.
I try to steady my breathing as I quickly wipe the tears with the back of my hand. I couldn't cry in front of Harry, not right now. He'll think I'm getting worse and I wouldn't be able to look him in the eye and reassure him that I was getting better because honestly, I didn't know. Some days I felt good, that I was normal again but others, I could feel the weight on my shoulders tripling.
"Come on, lets go back" I break the silence as I get up. I brush the sand off my pants the best I can and look up to find Harry towering over me. He runs a hand through his messy hair and licks his lips, he looks nervous but he could just be cold. I smile weakly up at him, take his large hand in mine and entwine our fingers together. I start the tread up the beach towards the house and I barley catch the two bold but little words that slip out of his mouth.
He doesn't say them as a question like he should, its more of a statement, "marry me" as if it'd be stupid to say no. I didn't know I answered him until I saw the cheeky smile on his face. I fell in love with that smile the first time I saw it. I love the way his eyes would sparkle with happiness and how his dimples so notable I'm sure I'd see them a mile away. Before I knew it he'd picked me up and I was clinging on to him, our foreheads rest against each other and I could feel his hot breath on my face. Harry and I have always felt right, that there could never be any wrong and that moment was a perfect example.
********
After a couple weeks I started to feel better, to feel like I was me again. I was sleeping eight to nine hours instead of a couple here and there. Every morning Harry wouldn't have to wake up and come find me on the beach, I was always warped in his arms. I finally got out of that damp, dark tunnel and made my way out into the sunlight, and I owe it all to Harry. Maybe after all I didn't need all those pills the doctors gave me, I only needed the boy with the messy dark curls and the piercing green eyes.
But you see, life isn't that simple, it could never be. People change and not always for the best, I found that out the hard way. Because that same boy who once was madly in love with me, and stayed with me through thick and thin turns into the boy who tares my heart out, shatters it into a million pieces and simply walks away.
