To Whom It May Concern

Know that if I was a man of money then this would not be the end of my story. Or ironically, know that if I was a man of money I would not be writing this at all.

I am not a man of money.

"Dearest Elaine," I scribble onto an envelope. I toss it into the pile of papers I have already given up on. I find it somewhat funny that I can give up on living but I can't give up on composing a decent letter to provide my loved ones with some reasoning for my hasty decision.

"My Elaine," I jot onto another envelope, before reminding myself my wife is no longer my wife and swiftly adding this mistake to the pile too. Dying can be such an inconvenience. I pulled another envelope near: "To whom it may concern," I entitled it and reached for a blank piece of paper.

"If I hadn't have spent the last five months of my life wallowing in my alcoholic and depressive state, I may have had the money to have crafted a better outcome than the one I am choosing. I will assume you may have figured out what this note is, or have found me before you find my note and, if so I am truly sorry, believe me. But I couldn't spend another second in this nostalgia-inducing little town."

I pause. Am I really ending my life over a town? Well, to an extent – it's not the town in particular, it's not like I'm ending my life based on the town not being up to my standards. However, this town has the effect of a photo album hidden and wilfully forgotten a decade later.

"You see, this town has too many memories. The second I leave home I see the Wisteria tree that Elaine and I planted as a symbol of our romance and enduring love. Likewise, from my window I see the peak of Nosta Hill where we first met. Everything reminds me of her and, had I the funds, I would simply move away and stop being the burden that I am to my past relations. But I do not."

Does this sound like I'm blaming my beautiful Elaine for my death?

"Please, let me dear Elaine know that I am making this decision for her – not as a result of her. Please help her understand that throughout our lives together she has provided me with nothing but happiness and seeing her today only reminded me of that. Know that whilst I write this letter I am elated, I am in no pain and I feel no misery. I am content, and that is why I wish to end my life here."

It's true that I am content at this precise moment and I am aware that I could walk away from this desk right now and carry on with my life as usual. Though, I know that when I awaken tomorrow, the 'black dog' will run back to me and plead with me to give it my devoted attention for another eternity.

"I do not want to feel like I did before. I want to die a happy man and that is my intention. I leave everything that is mine to my beloved Elaine – I know she'll see my other loved ones well. Please tell her to take care and remind her that this decision is for her, consider it to be me setting her free. She will not have to worry about me anymore."

I climb onto the desk and pull the rope hanging beside me from the pipe above over my head. I tighten it loosely and pick up my note once more.

"Elaine, I love you. I always have and I always will. It is for that reason I cannot watch you forget about me. I guess I would rather die than fade away. Once more, I love you."

I take my last step and my final breath.