Big Time Pain

Chapter 4

As I lay there, I know there’s no way I could fall asleep no matter how tired I am…I’m WAY too wired up on meds.  Apparently, they’re supposed to help me sleep and rest, but they’re having the opposite effect.

All of a sudden, I hear screaming down the hall at the nurse’s station.  Though it takes a few seconds, I hear Carlos’ voice yelling at the nurse to come see me.  So.  It wasn’t just a good deed.  He’s actually coming to see me.  ME!!!  Of all people!!!  I hear the skid of his converse on the waxed floor of the hallway approaching rapidly, so I close my eyes.  I don’t want him to think I’m waiting for him like a creeper.  With my eyes closed, I can’t hardly tell what’s going on, but I feel his hands grasp mine and pull it up to his heart.  The calming beat of his heart relaxes me and I become so content I almost doze off.  That is, until I hear him sniffle and a tear falls down his face.  The only way I know this is because I sneaked a peek at him, and his eyes turned out to be closed.  Gently, I remove my hand from his and wipe away that invading tear from his face.  It didn’t deserve to be there, ruining a perfectly angelic face.

“Aw, are you crying for me?”  I ask, watching his eyes shoot open as though the voice of God talked to him directly.  When his eyes do meet mine, he tries to speak, but I think he’s shocked and embarrassed.  I kinda feel bad for ruining his moment, but I don’t want him to worry about me.

“Really, Carlos, it’s unnecessary.  I’m fine.  I am glad you came, though.  Sorry I forgot to give your helmet back to you.  I was in a little rush.”  Then I feel it on my head and it makes me smile.  Unfortunately, though, when smiling, I move and pain shoots up my leg, making me wince.

“Are you sure you’re ok?  Do you need something?”  Finally breaking his silence, Carlos is obviously a little more than concerned.

“Yeah, I’m ok.  They gave me some meds for sleeping, but they didn’t work.  I’m all hyped like nothing.”  I close my eyes for a second and realize I’m WAY more tired than I before thought. 

“Areyousureyoudon’tneedsomethingbecauseyouknowicangogetitifyouneed…??”  He blurts out.  Apparently, I seem horrible.  I don’t know, though, cuz I’m still so confused.

I ask him some questions and talk to him before his crew comes in.  The rest of the visit is a blacked-out blur.  The only crystal clear thing is the last thing he said to me before leaving.  He asked his friends to step out and told them he’d be right there.  He turns to me and says the most wonderful words I’ve ever heard in my life.

“You’re not alone.  I’ll always be here for you.”  Carlos brushes my hair back from my face and leaves it at that, stepping out and closing the door behind him.  He glances back through the little window one last time before disappearing.  Next thing I know, my mind drifts and I drift off with it to a wondrous sleep.

That night, Carlos tosses and turns in his sleep, restless.  Waking up, he remembers having an epic nightmare.  He hadn’t saved her.  He was too late.  Attending her funeral, he cried and cried, finally waking up to a tear-stained pillow.  Getting up, he grabs some leftover fish sticks from the fridge and plops down on the couch.  Munching on cold sticks of fish, Carlos grabs the remote and flips on the tv, trying to find anything of interest in the early hours of the morning.  He incessantly pushes buttons until he stumbles upon a news station with a familiar picture plastering the screen.  Quickly turning up the volume to an unsafe level, he hears devastating news.

“…Plane crash killing one in Zimbabwe, injuring 42 others.  The man has now been identified as James Fockler, the father of a singular child.  Her picture was found half-charred 37 feet from the site.  Pictured here, the name Chelsea was scribbled on the back, her location unknown.  If anyone knows where she is, please let the international authorities know.  Her presence is required for identification and finding a foster home to reside in.  Call the number on the screen if you have any valuable information on her current state or location:  419-78…”  Shocked and confused, tired Carlos drops the remote, shutting off the television in its tumble, and creating quite a clatter.  Running out of their rooms, Kendall and Logan find a scared Carlos standing before them, eyes as large as frying pans and hands tight around their ears.  They look jarred awake and just as irritated as they are worried. 

“Carlos!  What’s the matter?”  Kendall asks, voice frantic, shaking Carlos by the shoulders.

“Her…Her dad.  Look…”  He points to the black screen while staring straight ahead, not focused on anything but his pounding heart.

Glancing at the tv and then Carlos, they each grab an arm. 

“You need to go back to sleep, Carlos.  We’ll talk about this in the morning.”

Eyes still wide and blood shot, Carlos is deposited in his bed before the guys leave with a final glance back.  He doesn’t recall finally falling into sleep, but he must have because his pillowcase was freshly tear-stained when he awoke to the sounds of a normal BTR boys Palmwoods breakfast the next morning.

Shuffling out of his room, the still weary Carlos plops down on the couch, feet wide apart and head in his hands.  The tv blaring, he tries to remember exactly what happened last night.  To him, it all seems like a blur and he can’t separate any specific events. 

“Hey, man, what’s wrong?”  Logan slings his arm around Carlos’ shoulders.

“I told you!  Her dad…he’s dead.  I saw it on the news last night.  She doesn’t know…”  He rubs his face with his hands, trying to wake up from this nightmare.

“Carlos.  I’m sure you were just imagining it.  Relax.  If you want, we can watch for it for a half hour until we need to face…Gustavo.  Oh, this is going to go well…”  Logan trails off with his own trail of thought.  After yesterday’s daring escapade, they never contacted Gustavo, so the probability of him blowing up is highly probable. 

“I know what I saw, ok?!  I HATE when you guys don’t believe me!”  Carlos jumps up and storms off, slamming the door behind him.  Turning with his back to the door, he slides down and weeps silently in the privacy of his own room.  Between the feeling of rejection and being so worried about the best thing that’s ever happened to him, Carlos just can’t take much more.

“Carlos! We believe you.  I, just, I don’t know…I wish I could help…”  Logan says, sighing from the other side of the door and running his fingers through his hair, looking towards Kendall and James who just miraculously arrived from the ice machine, totally missing this whole catastrophe.

“So…how’s Carlos this morning?”  James asks. 

“Yeah, he’s holed up in his room…how do you THINK he’s doing?”  Logan sarcastically throws back.

“Oh.”

Kendall stretches and strides over to Carlos’ door, rapidly knocking.

“Carlos!  Come on, man.  Come out here so we can talk.”

Silence stretches for 5 seconds, then 15, then 30.

“Guard me…I’m goin’ in” Kendall tells James and Logan.

One grabbing a corn dog and the other a baseball bat, the two follow Kendall as he enters Carlos’ room.

Everything destroyed and thrown everywhere, the room looks totally deserted. 

“Uh, Carlos?”  Kendall whispers, craning his neck to find him.

Just as those words are uttered, the door slams shut, the apartment door following suit.

“Uh oh…” James whispers as the three scramble out of the room, scanning the apartment for any trace of Carlos’ mysterious evacuation.

“Guys, I think I know where he went.” Logan says, picking up a black-tinted cotton ball from the floor, a knowing look and smirk upon his face.

For a second, I wonder where I am and why I’m here.  Then, it hits me.  The pain and memories flood my body like rapids.  I fell when I was with *sigh* Carlos.  At least, that’s what he told me.  I must have fallen a long ways, then.  Wow, I can’t believe I actually ended up deep asleep after takin’ all those meds!  I feel a little better today, so I sit up and read a tad until I feel über tired again, lying down and snoozing gently in the early morning light.