Trepidation

Lukas Jones

Telling my parents that their star athelete wanted to go to a private art school for college was the second scariest thing I've ever had to do. The first was easily getting to the school. Beibg he star athelete in a small town had its perks, everyone knew me. But here, no one did. I never told my parents I enjoyed sketching, I didn't even tell them when I applied to Augustine Waters. The day I received my acceptance letter was the best day of my life

For about twenty minutes

I had run inside, shouting about my acceptance to everyone in the house. My parents were overjoyed, thinking I had made it into Indiana University, the school they so desperately wanted me to attend. I told them immediately about Augustine Waters, hoping they'd be just as excited as me.

Unfortunately they weren't, because my dad was often my coach I was used to him constantly pushing me and when I couldn't do things right I was used to his dissapointement but no amount of disappointment he showed me on the field amounted to what he felt that day. Of course it didn't help when my mom pulled a letter from IU out of the mail.

Accepted to IU, with a full ride on a football scholarship. 

The rest of the night didn't go to well, my dad left to get drunk again and my mom tried to reason with me.

"You don't really like drawing, you never talk about it." She had said.

"I never get the chance cause I'm always at practice. I do it in class, Mrs. Emmerson says I have a gift." I remember my moms face falling into her palms as I thoug about the real reason I learned to draw.

"Since when? Mrs. Emmerson was only your teacher for one semester, are you really gonna throw away years of hard work for one semester of doodling." 

I wanted to tell my mom that I had been drawing for years but I didn't want to bring up Rosalin again, my parents already had enough suspicions about her. "Mom," I had said, taking her hands in mine and leaning on the kitchen counter. " Drawing is my passion, I can make a living with it, I know I can. I'm good, mom." I looked her in the eyes. "I'm really good." 

Mom had sighed and removed a hand from mine so she could run it through her hair. "It's expensive sweetie, private schools cost a lot more than public schools do." 

"I know mom, I have the will. All that money is mine for school." 

Mom sighed again, I noticed for the first time that evening how tired she really was. I wanted to continue and tell her that I could afford it, I knew she didn't trust the will I had been given from Rosalin but she spoke before I could open my mouth again. "Sweetie, you know your father has been dreaming of you going to IU since you were a kid." Again, I opened my mouth to speak but she held up a finger, silencing me. "I, however, do not want you to go." My mouth fell open, mom and dad had wanted me to go to IU my whole life. I stood up to pace the kitchen. "Thes something I need to tell you sweetie, " my moms eyes had glazed over, I could see tears threatening to fall.

"What is it mom?" I had asked her. "Are you okay?" 

 "Rosalin was so good to you." She said. 

"You never even knew her," I had become so confused where did Rosalin fit into my moms distress. 

"You think Rosalin wasn't around when I was your age? I knew her just as well as you did. Well," She paused and smiled, "Maybe not just as well, after all, my name wasn't in her will." Mom paused again. "Your father and I are not working out." Her face returned to its grave sadness. I wanted to snort, not working out?  Dad only got drunk every night he could and cussed so much the neighbor's called the cops, it was just the TV, mom had said to them.