Ok well, this is for kids or teens who have suicidal thoughts. I'm going to tell you about my story :) okay? okay c:
Anyways, it started in 7th grade. It was a normal day you know? I went home and did my homework whatever. I went to the supermarket with my mom and while i was looking at the magazines alone these 2 boys that i knew from 4th grade walked up to me. They said
"Oh hey, you got WAYY uglier then when you were in 4th grade"
They laughed and walked away. I let it go for a while.
Ok well *2 months later while stalking my crush on facebook* (Dont we all?)
I saw a pic of his girlfriend. I got really down because 1). she was beyond Gorgeous, 2). Because i look like a potato and 3). because he knew i liked him and he always ignored me.
I started crying and stuff and i felt stupid crying over him but hey I have liked him since 6th grade, and until today I have not managed to get over him. Well anyways I felt ugly after that. I started feeling insecure to the point where i wanted to change everything about myself, even the way i talked. What those boys told me at the store came back and haunted me every night. I started crying myself to sleep cause i felt that no guy would ever want me.
3 months later i got messages from people saying I was ugly and that i should die. I started cutting.
Lucky for me i stopped before it became an addiction. My parents never saw the scars and still dont know about it.
Okay well summer came and i got an ask. People started saying to kill myself and they make fun of me for liking "emo" music (Bvb, SWS, Ptv, BMTH, AA, MCR , etc) and I am also a directioner. They call me a fake directioner for liking those bands. But those bands helped me through my suicidal thoughts. Okay so now to the suicide part of this (sorry for the long part above this, i just thought you would want to hear my story if you dont sorry :P)
Ok July 27 2013, I had the rope ready, God i even made a note saying what i wanted to wear for my funeral. I was so close when I dont know what.. but it just hit me...If i killed myself then thats it the bullies would have won. I wasn't giving up...I want to live to tell all those haters that i made it. Karma will come biting them in the ass one day c;
Okay now this part is for the people who tell other people to kill themselves: READ CLOSELY AND THINK ABOUT IT WHEN YOU ARE DONE
Imagine you wake up and make breakfast to your 13 year old daughter. You call her name various times and no answer. You think she is probably still getting ready. 15 minutes you go to her room to check on her. You knock on the door. No answer, you try to open the door, its locked. You get panicky. So you start knocking louder, now you are pounding on the door. You kick the door open and your life flashes right before your very eyes. You see your daughter as a baby, you see her growing up, then it hits you and you remember all those times you told people to kill themselves. You come back and realize that YOUR daughter, YOUR BELOVED daughter is hanging from her ceiling fan. Her face colorless, her body dangling lifelessly. You dont even realize it and you start screaming. You notice the note there on her bed. You frantically open it up and your bloodshot red eyes start scanning the paper, it reads :
"Mom, Dad, im so sorry, i cant take it anymore. They won they told me to kill myself and they got their wishes. Im sorry, i was never good enough so you wont care right? Im sorry goodbye forever, i love you"
Once again you remember about those people you told to kill themselves. You finally realize what pain you cause them and the pain you caused their parents when their children did what YOU told them.
Okay well put yourself in that position, not so good right? Thnk about it, re-read this 10 times or as many times until you get that telling people to kill themselves is wrong in your head. Okay now for the suicidal teens.
BABE YOU ARENT ALONE. Sometimes you are sick of hearing the same thing;
"Dont do it, alot of people love you"
"think about your parents"
"Oh dont, dont be stupid"
It gets frustrating, you want someone to understand completely what you are going through instead of talking to someone who will always tells you the same thing. Okay now, think about this, What would you tell someone going through the same thing you are? Tell yourself the EXACT SAME THING. If your goal in life is to be perfect then let me tell you babe, its unrealistic :) Know that I love you...it may not mean much but i will be here for you when you feel like that. REMIND YOURSELF THAT IF YOU KILL YOURSELF YOU WILL LOSE IT ALL! You will let the bullies win. You built yourself walls to watch haters crumble them down, so now REBUILD THOSE WALLS AND MAKE THE HATERS CLIMB THEM AND MAKE THEM FALL :) YOU ARE STRONG YOU ARE YOUNG!!! :) YOU CAN MAKE IT. You havent lost it all yet ok? Remind yourself about some goal you have in life. If you end it all now, you wont accomplish it NEVER! Remember we all fall sometimes, but there will always be someone to pick you up :) and im one of those someones, Your best friends are there, God is there :) You are not alone, and one day you will beat the bullies, the jerks, the people that clearly do not have a brain to put themselves in your shoes to know what it feels like to be treated like they treat you. Stay strong I LOVE YOU AND I MEAN IT. If you wanna talk to someone talk to me :) my kik is @erengmendoza IG is @erengmendoza Twitter is @erenGmendoza :) i will try and help you ok? :) leave anything in the comments and i will try and help you with whatever you need. I really do care and i want to help because i know how AWFUL it feels. Ok thanks for listening <3
Hello :) thanks for 19 reads. Its not alot but for me it is. I would aprreciate it if you could spread this story to other people you know who have suicidal thoughts or to people that tell others to kill themselves. :) it would mean alot and remember i love you and i care. Thanks <3
