Somebody to Hold Tonight (Larry Stylinson)

10

I'd never considered myself to be one to make rash decisions, but as I woke up on Wednesday morning curled up against HARRY with his arm around me completely naked, I realized that the events of the previous evening had most certainly been rash and careless, yet deliciously enjoyable. I lay there at his side of a moment, wondering what on earth I should do now. How could this not end awkwardly?

My head was rested against his warm chest, and I was actually scared by just how safe a felt lying there in his arms. I'd let my guard down just a little bit and look what happened. What had I been thinking? I tried to ignore just how good it had felt as I scolded myself for being so stupid. This was the last thing I needed. Lottie was angry with me, and I had a million things I had to do. Sex was certainly not at the top of my to do list either.

I looked up at HARRY's face as he slept. He really was the most beautiful man I'd never seen. He looked so peaceful, and I felt my heart sink, realizing HARRY was everything I'd ever wanted in a man but knowing I could never have it. He was virtually the epitome of perfection, and what was I? Absolutely nothing. Nothing but poor white trash. Sure, right now he might be physically attracted to me, and there was no doubt he was in love with Phoebe, Lottie, and Fizzy. Of course he was. He wanted to be a father, but one day he would wake up and wonder what the hell he was doing with the likes of me.

I could see it all now. I'd let my walls down and let him in, and he'd leave me. Everyone left me. Even Lottie, Fizzy, and Phoebe were going to leave me someday. Of course, their departure would be at my instance. They had to get out of this hellhole. There was something better out there, and I was going to make sure they got it. All I had to do was get them through school and figure out a way to pay for them to go to college. How was I supposed to focus on doing that if I got caught up in a relationship that would inevitably fail?

I blinked back tears as I watched HARRY sleeping, realizing this would be the first and last time this would ever happen. I had to stop it now before it ever really started. After a moment, I untangled myself from HARRY, immediately feeling cold and empty as I stood up and walked to the bathroom. I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror as I quickly brushed my teeth. I turned on the shower and stepped in under the heavy spray of water and began to wash myself. I scrubbed at my skin, wishing I could scrub away the memory of the night before. If I could just wash it way and forget it, then I wouldn't be able to miss it. Miss the feel of HARRY's hands on my body, the way he felt inside me, the soft kisses he placed on my skin. I felt a fresh set of tears sting my eyes, realizing there was no way I could wash those things away, even if I really wanted to.

I hated myself for letting this happen. I'd grown far too comfortable around HARRY and let my guard down. I'd let him in, and I'd let things get out of hand. How could I have been so stupid? I finished with my shower and patted myself dry before wrapping myself in the towel and tiptoeing back into the room to get some clothes.

HARRY was still peacefully sleeping, and I found myself standing there staring at him for a moment before I realized I was doing it. I shook myself out of it and returned to finding some clothes. I dressed quickly before going back into the bathroom and brushing my wet hair and pulling it back away from my face. The bruises in my neck were slowly fading. I thought in a few more days they might be gone completely. The bruises on my face were barely visible as well.

I wondered what HARRY could have ever seen in me. I wasn't anything special. I was far from beautiful. I'd seen pictures of his ex-wife, and he'd been right when he said he knew she was the one. They'd made a beautiful couple. I thought of Aylen, and wondered if it were possible he'd felt so drawn to me through Phoebe. Losing a child and becoming a divorcee in the span of the year probably caused a person to lapse in judgment. He was just wasn't thinking clearly. That was all it was.