youth. (camren)

(three)

a/n: cursive = childhood stuff

•

"When did I give you permission to use that?!" Lauren pushes her brother off of her old skateboard and picks it up, her new stilettos causing a whining sensation to run through her feet as she bends down.

"Dude, chill!" Lauren's 14 year old brother glares at her.

"I'm not a dude, Christopher. And use your own damn board!"

"You know it's busted! And you never use yours anymore anyway!"

"Not my problem." Lauren fixes her skirt and stands up straight. She takes a deep breath before going back inside, knuckles white from holding on to the skateboard.

"You used to be fun, bitch!"

She knows he's right but she doesn't care.

When she arrives in her room she rolls the skateboard under her bed before throwing herself on top of the white sheets and unlocking her phone in a swift motion. Her only new messages are from group chats she's in with all her friends. She used to kind of like them (her friends not the groupchats). At least she used to put in more than minimal effort. She's barely surviving having to sleep with her boyfriend so yeah maybe her schedule is bit too stuffed with stuff like agony and self hatred to care about some party she knows she'll get dragged into attending anyway. Some party she knows she'll use as an excuse to get shitfaced and act out a little. Not having to be herself for a night is worth the idiots she has to socialise with.

She sighs at the realisation that she's lost in thought again. It's pathetic really. All she does is pity herself and her sad life when she's the reason it's like this. She could've stayed the way she was and she would probably still be friends with people like Normani and Ally and Dinah, and. She stops her train of thought again and lets out a groan of exasperation before shoving in her earphones and turning up the music to max volume.

•

"Dinah!!" Lauren shouts right next to her best friend's ear before she and Normani erupt into loud laughter as they watch the aftermath of them rudely awakening her.

The Polynesian looks around her before her eyes rest on the two culprits. She shoots them her famous death glare. "Oh y'all best run while you can."

The two girls get up and start running, knowing they don't stand a chance and still laughing. Dinah has them on the floor begging for mercy in a heartbeat and the two thank the heavens when the debacle is interrupted by Ally and Camila walking in with their sleeping bag and wearing a big smile.

Lauren's breath gets caught in her throat as Camila sits down right next to her, resting her fingertip on Lauren's nose for a few seconds in lieu of a greeting.

The older of the two sits upright on the carpet floor after she realises Dinah's focus is less on holding her down and more on tickling Normani.

"Hey Camz! You excited for our sleepover?"

Camila nods excitedly, still not a big talker when they're around the other girls. She then gently leans forward, inches away from Lauren's face. The older girl lets out a soft gasp as Camila's words hit her cheek right near her ear, "It's my first." She lingers shortly before returning to her previous position, looking embarrassed. Lauren wants to laugh at how ridiculous Camila sounds but when she notices the frown on the girl's face she stops herself.

She leans forwards the same way Camila had, tantalisingly slow, giggling slightly. "Oh well that's okay. That's just gonna mean we'll have to make sure this one is extra fun." She pulls back her head and smiles at her best friend. Her smile grows into a grin when she sees Camila's face light up.

Their little moment doesn't have much longevity because before either realise they're Dinah's new target.

Lauren erupts into laughter as Dinah tackles her and starts tickling and for a moment, as Camila watches her friends, yes her friends, laugh, she thinks the sight makes her heart swell up with happiness and warmth.

•

It's dark and Camila's drunk when she nearly trips over her old skateboard. She kicks it under her bed with a groan before pinning the drunk girl down on her mattress.

What was her name again? Annie? Abbie?

"I love you." the girl's words fill the air, all slurred and desperate, and Camila can't help but scoff at the cluelessness of them, "Whatever, sweetie." She knows she says it but it doesn't feel like they're her words.

Just like she doesn't feel her lips as she presses them against the girl's neck. She can't even feel her fingers as they roam the girl's naked body.

Hell, she can't feel a damn thing.

Seven hours later she's in her bed, alone, not moving an inch. The only sensation she experiences now is the feel of hot tears trickling down her temples. But on the inside there's nothing. She often wonders if she's broken. If she was born this way. With something missing.

Her high school days have begun to feel like an endless repetition of the same routine. She goes to school where she puts in minimal effort, sits with her close friends at lunch, more school and then at night she goes out to pick up girls that she kicks out again before the crack of dawn.

The ringing of her phone's alarm pulls Camila out of her thoughts and she lazily grabs it with her right hand as she dries her eyes with her left.

She deletes a few texts she's gotten from past one night stands before getting up to shower.

After showering she puts on her ripped skinny jeans and a baggy t-shirt with no bra before rushing downstairs to down a double espresso.

Her dad's already left for work and her mom's still asleep so it's just her as per usual. She eats her cereal in silence before grabbing her bag and getting outside. Just in time.

She gets her motorcycle from the garage, stops it right at the side of the road and leans back on it. And less than two minutes later the front door to the neighbours' house opens to reveal the 17 year old that lives in it.

Lauren never notices Camila watching her. Or at least she pretends to. But this time Camila catches her glancing. She reacts quickly by pulling the right side of her mouth into a smirk and nodding. Not necessarily in greeting but more acknowledgement. Plus she knows she looks hot when she does it. But Lauren wastes no time besides the quick, empty glance and heads to her car.

Camila sighs, puts on her helmet and races off all before Lauren even has her seatbelt on.

When Camila's out of sight Lauren starts her car and goes on her way, turning up the radio as loud as possible to forget her own stupid mistake. And her stupid smirk.