Jeremy Gilbert Diaries

1st February, 2010

 

It hurts. My heart is piercing my chest like a million icy needles. I feel so cold. It all happened way too fast and I wasn’t even there. It’s like my world shattered around me when Jenna came home puffy eyed, shaking violently and looking at me with a sorrowful expression.

“There was an accident,” and that was all she managed to choke out for the next five minutes. When she finally calmed down she told me my older sister, Elena, was in hospital and my parents were dead. Here is what happened, well, what Jenna told me. After mom and dad picked Elena up in their car, on the way back home the car swerved off Wickery Bridge to dodge a deer and went down to the bottom of the river. No one knows how Elena got out but they found her lying on the rocks next to the river, unconscious but alive.

So, that’s it. My parents are dead and Jenna, my mother’s sister, has to be our guardian. She’s nice but she’s not mom.

To top it off, I had to watch the girl I love make out with her turd of a boyfriend. What he doesn’t know is that I lost my virginity to her last summer. If anyone were to find out, she would kill me as she is not comfortable with the idea that she is a year older than me and her brother is dating my sister. Actually, I think Elena broke up with Vicki’s brother, Matt. Yes, the girl I love is called Vicki. Just thinking about her name makes my stomach flutter and makes me smile, and that’s rare these days. I guess I'm in depression.

12th February, 2010

 

People keep looking at me with a pitiful expression. Poor kid. Lost his parents. Have you heard he has turned to drugs? Don’t make eye contact with him. My legs led me to the men’s bathroom where I would hopefully find privacy.

I hate this school. I hate the people here. I hate what happened. I hate my life. My trembling hands slip in my pocket and finds its way to the small, half empty packet of pills. Before I could retrieve them, someone barges into the bathroom, pulls me around, grabs my face and searches my eyes. What the fuck was Elena doing in the men’s bathroom?

“Jeremy, I can’t believe you’re doing drugs,” Elena said, angrily. “Do you know what people are saying about you?” I stared at her, dumbfounded. “Elena, what the hell are you doing in here. I’m pretty sure the sign on the door had a man on it.” She ignored me and continued to ramble on. “I know you’re upset that mum and dad died, but they wouldn’t have wanted to see you like this. You have to move on, it’s hard for me too...” I rolled my eyes as she continued lecturing me. She was really getting on my nerves, so I pushed past her and left her calling out to me. “Jeremy, come back here. I haven’t finished talking to you. JEREMY!”

I would’ve been more amused by the fact that she was drawing attention to herself from the doorway of the men’s bathroom, but I wasn’t in the mood. I‘m pretty sure a few guys pointed out the obvious to her, but she just told them to shut up.

13th Feb, 2010

 

“Hey.” I looked up to find Vicki smiling at me. I know this sounds cheesy, but my heart literally skipped a beat. She took the cigarette out of my hand and took a puff. “You know that stuff isn’t good for you,” I teased. She punched me in the arm and then put on a serious face. “I’m sorry for your loss, Jer.” Oh please God, not her too. “Why? You didn’t kill them,” I said. She gave me a look as if to say ‘don’t patronise me. I’m trying to be nice’. “Where’s your boyfriend?” I regretted it as soon as I said it. I knew I was being a jerk. She suddenly turned defensive. “Tyler doesn’t know what happened between us over the summer break. If you tell him, I’ll break your neck without hesitation. Stop interfering with my love life.” My jaw clenched.