Troubled Love

its getting harder to breath

its been a few days since i found out about about steph and Elias i have to admit i cant sleep eat or even smile without wanting to brake down i cant be with her with out having him there we walk different routes now but he's always seems to find us and every time he gives her a goodbye kiss he wont close his eyes i know he doesn't love her but the part that throws me off is that all he does is stare....at me not her but me its weird how he says he's falling for her and stare at me with a smile and wink when she's not looking
It makes me sick how can he do this to her.....but then again I do really want him maybe this could work....wait no wtf am I thinking?I can't do this to her or him he doesn't even like me I just sighed and walked away I'm almost to class and I feel someone pull me back i turn kinda shocked and then i calm down when i realize its just steph she begins to talk about Elias how he is and how stupid he can be i don't even pay attention to her i just think about him the small details that make me smile and how i think they're soooo cute like how his dark dark eyes twinkle when he thinks about his lil plans or how he has a dimple on the bottom left corner of his cheek or how his voice changes when he happy to shy.......ugh wtf has this guy done to me? he makes my world bright but breaks my heart and has me crying all night i cant take it i get home and go straight to my room i find a blade and hurt myself more and more i cry in disbelief as i watch the blood drip from my wrist to the floor my arm burns but i know it was for my own good i walk to the restroom and suddenly feel light headed i feel the walls begin to spin again but they didn't keep going they stopped and then all I felt was anger and hatred towards Elias and i knew he wasn't good for my health or happiness yes he made me feel like slitting my veins and ending it but at the same time no one's ever made me feel so alive so i thought long and hard and decided to make a few changes i just needed someone to set off my chain reaction and that person was nun other that steph i plan to ruin him and all he is.......