straight

To be honest with you, I never thought I'd say this.

But fuck it man, I admit to this shit.

Basically, a war is going on in my head right now.

Do you ever just look at yourself and think "wow"

Because that's all I can fucking say.

There are no other words to describe how stupid and confused I feel today.

Well, I guess its been going on for longer.....

Okay, every day I have been alive then. But that hasn't made me stronger.

I still cant figure myself out.

I think I'll just try to tell you what this is all about;

Basically, there's this girl.

Scratch that, she's a goddess, my entire world.

She makes me feel how I do when the pizza man arrives

She's the water that I need to survive.

But how can that be?

My whole life, I never thought that would be me.

I feel like my heart is a thespian.

I mean, come on, I can't be a.....

But its hard to deny

Seeing her beautiful smile and deep eyes.

I never thought I'd long so much

Just to feel someone's touch.

Her wispy hands tracing my lips, holding my hands, turning my heart into smithereens.

But these things only happen in my dreams.

And yeah yeah, sex exists too.

But I can't even think about that with the lack of her lips turning mine blue.

I lose myself in my head,

Drifting my fingers down her back, kissing her face, my cheeks turning cherry red

I don't think you realize how much I hate this feeling.

I was always taught to find my prince, to find a cute boy appealing.

To lay with a man by my side.

But how can any male compare to the girl I want to make my bride?

I can't imagine any boy ever making me feel the way she does.

She fits me perfect, like a pair of gloves.

I want to grab and tussle with her hair,

Touch her with my skin bare.

Make her feel like the princess she is inside

And rake my fingers down her backside.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, I did it again.

I told you, I cant go a minute without that image in my head.

But it wont ever come true if I just watch from the sidelines,

Always avoiding her as if we were both porcupines.

You know what, I'm done.

Done trying to confine and cover up. It looks like my heart has won.

Am I straight?

Well, that is a heavy weight.

The short answer is "I'm not sure".

The true answer is "I am so into girls".

But the first is so much easier to explain.

The second one isn't that plain.

Gay, gay, gay,

Are the words running through my head every damn day.

I don't think I can come out now, not ever.

I just can't admit it whatsoever.

But hey, I'm the only human I can be.

And I'm still not sure yet....one day I'll see.

I'll get better at this, like a talented equestrian.

And maybe one day I can admit that I'm a......

Lesbian.