ramen for breakfast

rescission of affection

this started out as a love letter.

it would've began with a flurry of pet names :
baby lovely precious angel freckled sky senpai beautiful constellation my fabulous frappuchino boy of galaxies

and then it would've been all the reasons why I love you.

but then I realize
i don't love you.

you can't love someone, i've come to the conclusion, if you don't know what font makes their skin crawl,

if you don't know what their face looks like when someone told their joke was told louder and laughed at the second time by someone else

if you don't know what their favorite color is or what they want to be when they grow up,

if you don't know ... them.

and sweet, while you're made of sunshine and constellated grins, while you're incredibly you and you and no one else,

(gosh just thinking about you makes me want to cry out from a mountain my heaps of affection!)

yes, i can't love you.
no, i don't love you.

see, I thought I was falling for you, positively smitten,

and sometimes I think I'm still falling
but truthfully I hit the bottom of the shallow pool a while ago

and truthfully I'm looking up at the sky
the sky used to be many colors but now it's mostly grey because the "technicolority" of "loving you" ran out fast

(maybe it was love that kept me frozen
in front of you, oh you're no deity you're just a boy!! a boy made of sunshine but a boy, human like me although it never feels like it)

i digress.

this started out as a love letter.
and now that i've thought about it,
it's ending as a whatever you'd like to call these pages that document the toning down, the mitigation, the subduction of my shakespearean passion towards you.