Contest Entries

Behind the Denim Door

I don't remember falling asleep, nor do I remember seeing the darkness reflecting from my eyelids before waking up. In fact, I can't really bring myself to remember anything. The only thing I know is that I feel like I'm blinded from the dark, and now all I can see is a bright ray of light, shining directly down on me as if I were in the center of a stage. I try to lift my hand up to shield my eyes from the light, even though it wasn't hurting me, but I couldn't move for some reason. I blinked, confused; I didn't feel any straps holding me down, didn't feel a wire or some form of restriction. Slowly I began to realize that I couldn't move due to the fact that I was already moving. My arms were raised high above me, hands reaching, fingers still. I was reaching for something, way up above me, way out of my reach, and I didn't know what it was or why I wanted it in the first place.

This didn't matter, though. What mattered was the light. I was walking, walking and waiting, waiting and searching. I was searching for something that my heart longed for, but my brain didn't know the name of it. My tongue couldn't put a place on it. My fingers couldn't point it out, my eyes couldn't stare it down, and even my heart - the greedy, beating being within me - seemed to be confused on what it really wanted all along. Yet, my feet kept moving, my hands kept reaching, and the light still shined down on me. Then, suddenly, I stop moving. My arms drop down to my waist and my feet glue themselves to the floor. My eyes glance away from the light, and I see two doors; the one on the left is painted denim blue, and the one on the right is painted a nice shade of orange.

It seemed to me that I had control of my body again, that Fate was testing me. Whether this was a right-or-wrong puzzle or not, I did not know, but I did know that I had to choose a door. I had to keep pushing forward. I had to find whatever I was searching for, or else I might fall asleep again and forget everything that has happened thus far. I wonder if this has happened before, if I have gone this far in the past, but then fell asleep and forgot everything that I needed to know. This frightened me to the point where I quickly shuffled over to the doors, wanting to leave as soon as possible. I had no idea where I was, who I was, or what was meant to be - I just knew that I had to keep walking. I had to get out of there.

There wasn't any time to choose the doors based on what I thought. I couldn't just sit and ponder it. I was so afraid to lose this memory, to lose my place and forget, that I was quick with my decision and didn't bother thinking about it twice. With ease, I used the new strength in my arms to push open the denim door.

Through a blinding light, I saw something. I saw nothing, I saw anything, I saw everything. I saw life and death itself. I saw fire and ice. I saw black and white, colors and blankness, cities and countries, beaches and mountains. I saw all that was and all that wasn't and all that will be and all that will never be.

And, as the light faded into nothing once again, I saw her. I didn't know her, not entirely. I remembered her, somehow, but I didn't know her name. I didn't know her face, and I didn't know who she was, but I knew who she was meant to be. And I knew that she was there to save me from this room of light, from this cell of the forgotten, from this cycle of sleep and thought. I knew she was there to keep me awake, to keep me alive.

I take a step forward.

Remember how we used to spend days after school on the roof of the building, right next to the school-bell? We used to sit there and watch the sunset without a care in the world, both sharing a different snack with one another every day. One day we both brought tangerines, and you got upset because you knew it was my favorite. But it was your favorite, too, wasn't it? Why were you so angry with yourself for trying to please others? You didn't do anything wrong.

Another step forward.

Remember that day when I got in that car accident? I couldn't even remember exactly what happened, but the next thing I knew, I was in the hospital and you were by my side, holding my hand as tightly as a baby holds its teddy bear. I remember seeing you cry, feeling your tears warm against my skin. You said to me, "Please never fall asleep again." Were you afraid that I'd never wake up after that?

One step after the other.

Do you remember September, three years ago? Do you remember how we kept everything a secret, how we used to leave church services to pretend to head to the bathroom, only to hide away and hold onto one another for as long as we could? Do you remember getting caught? Do you remember the fear, the anger, the love? Do you remember the day we lost each other?

One last step.

Yeah. I remember all of that.

The blank face of the girl twisted into a small, fragile smile - one that I learned to hate over the years, as I knew that it was broken and incomplete. She was hurting. I was, too.

Countless moments were spent in silence, but then I heard her say something to me without even moving her lips slightly, Do you remember waking up?

I look at her, both of us sharing the same broken smile. Yeah, I reply. I remember that, too.

Do you remember falling asleep?

I remember the darkness, then the light that broke it. That's it.

And, again, silence.

I don't remember her. I don't remember anything. I've seen everything that I've ever wanted to see, but I don't remember seeing any of it. I don't remember loving her, I don't remember her loving me. As much as I want to, I can't bring my thoughts to recoup. I'm lost, and I'm trapped. Suddenly, the broken image of her shattered smile glued itself together, and she smiled for real this time, taking my hand. It felt warm and wet, like tears.

Please never fall asleep again, she tells me.

I take her other hand. I kiss her.

She kisses me back.

And then, as soon as I begin to remember her, my mind is wiped blank and I don't even remember who I'm holding onto anymore. The memories - all of them - were gone. And so was she.

I felt the absence of a train of thought, the absence of some strange, indefinable feeling. Who was she again? What was her name? Did she trap me here?

I realize there is a blinding light. I try to move, but to my surprise, I can't. This confuses me, as I feel no source of restriction, and no source of memory, either.

I am looking at the ceiling with my arms raised, hands reaching, fingers still. The light becomes harsh and dreary, but it does not hurt me. Blinding the dark, I open my eyes.

I fall asleep.