DeathNote Fan-Fiction yaoi boyxboy

A little bit of Everything

~~~~Note this was going to be a VERY sexual chapter but I'm cutting it off and putting all the sexual-ness into the next one because this turned into an L's background story.... I do not promise that it won't make you cry....~~~~



Another long and boring day, I'm so glad it's over. It's been almost a full week since me and Light have had... well you know... sex and I can honestly say I am craving it as much as I crave sweets. I have him off his handcuffs now around everyone. I thought it would be easier that way to keep up appearances around the rest of the guys but it just makes it harder. I crave his closeness, knowing that he's just a tug of my wrist away. God I miss it. But I really miss the sex... The high inducing shivers of pleasure, the skin on skin contact, the long sweet kisses....

I moan softly in my throat as images from our last time flit through my mind. God I want that to happen again... but... a little rougher wouldn't hurt. I smirk to myself at my thoughts before looking around the room, Light was in the bathroom and I was left with my thoughts... The last time he was rough when I flirted with Matsuda... what would he do if I went on a Date WITH Matsuda..?

A plan quickly formulates in my mind and I'm sure I had a semi psychotic smiles on my face. I stand and walk to the mirror hanging on the wall and try to fix my appearance a bit, I change into a less wrinkled shirt and actually put on some shoes. (much to my disliking)

"Light! I'm going out, be back later!"

I call out. As I walk to the bedroom door, Lights' head pops out of the bathroom.

"Where you going?"

He asks curiously, with a semi guarded look in his eyes. I shrug and place my hand on the door knob.

"Just to the ice cream shop with Matsuda."

He looks a tad bit... possessive and it lights a fire in my belly, making me want to smile but I hold it back. He doesn't say anything else just makes a 'humph" sound and goes back into the bathroom. I shrug before walking out into the hallway and take the elevator to Matsudas' floor. I walked down the other hallway and stop to knock on Matsudas' door, you can hear things being knocked over and someone running hurriedly to the door. A breathless Matsuda stands, flushed, looking at me in his work clothes. I grin and wave slightly.

"Hey, want to go grab an icecream down the street?"

I ask and with wide eyes Matsuda nods and silently follows behind me. I look at him from my peripheral vision as he fidgets and plays with his hands nervously. I sigh slightly, thinking about how this might just be a waste of time. Light couldn't really feel anything for me, I mean who would?

Not even your parents loved you.

The thought came out of no where that it immediately had my attention.

They left you in that orphanage even before they died, they didn't want you you're worthless and pathetic.

Those words felt like a damn was ripped open inside my mind and all the memories came back.

I look up at my mom and dad as they pack away my few belongings, each time they look at me I see something that I can't understand. Hate, disgust. Even as a child I could easily figure things out much faster than the other children, but the human emotions eluded me. Their looks would make my stomach clench and feel less than dirt. I can't cry though... I can't show weakness. That day they said they were taking me somewhere, and I was excited but scared at the same time. They shoved me in the back of the car, not even buckling me in or waiting till I sat down before stepping on the gas. They were driving way over the speed limit as If they couldn't get to their destination fast enough. I started to watch the scenery passing by the window, watching as the trees blurred together in a comforting way. That's when I heard them begin to speak.

"I can't wait to get rid of him."

"Shouldn't have waited this long."

"He was a waste of our time."

"He wasn't worth it to begin with."

Their words were exchanges on and on between them, not even caring that I was right there with them. Even though they didn't use my name I know they were talking about me. I could feel it as my eyes started to water and my breathing became shallow. I felt my walls closing in on me with every word they said. 'Worthless, waste, useless, nothing.' they span around and around in my head until I felt everything go black.

When I opened my eyes again, I was being roughly pulled out of my seat. My mothers nails digging into my small upper arm causing a sharp pain. I wanted to cry out, to pull away but that would only disappoint her more. She dragged me to the door of an old looking house, it looked like the classic horror movie haunted house, complete with gargoyles on the roof. She pulled on the big lion head knocker and let it drop a few times. The loud sound of heels on a wooden floor is heard through the door. An old woman who looked very sweet and friendly, the type that you'd automatically associate as the loving grandmother that made you cookies and gave you presents every time you visit. She had on glasses with huge frames and an apron that looked handmade. She took one look at my parents and scowled at them before looking down at me with kind eyes. She held her hand out for me to grab but I shook my head and hid behind my mother. She looked down at me with her hate filled gaze and grabbed my arm again.

"You worthless child. Go with this woman so I can finally have the pleasure to get rid of you like I should've done all those years ago. You will never amount to nothing you're stupid to have ever thought we could have loved you. No one will ever love you."

She shoved me towards the woman and I fell at her feet, hitting my head on the door step. I could feel my emotions threatening to spill out as the woman helped me up. My father threw my suitcase next to me, narrowly missing hitting my head with it. They both turned away without even sparing me a second glance. They walked to the car and something just made me snap. I stood up and with all my might I yelled.

"MAY YOU BE KILLED BY SHINIGAMI AND ROT IN HELL FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLES LIVES!"

I don't know if they heard me but as soon as their car turned onto the highway, they were hit by a semi truck. It took out the entire front part of the car, and that's exactly when I became L. When I needed an escape I became L, when I couldn't take the pain I became L. That's why L is always calm, always focused and only works with facts... because L was created by a boy who needed an escape.

~~~~~~~~~~Flash back over~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I snapped back into reality I was already walking down the hallway to mine and Lights room. I guess we already went to the icecream shop. I sigh and shake my head, I was on auto pilot again. I stand outside the door to Lights and my room and lean against the wall.

Were my parents right? Could Light be faking all of this? Do I even mean anything to him or am I just a pawn?

I close my eyes and slide down the wall until I'm sitting down.

Is his love for me.... real?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

((I was gonna stop it there but I'm being nice and doing Lights POV :3 Also don't get mad at me if what is said isn't exactly the same as the anime, I'm writing this scene from memory and I'm moving a few things around.))

~Light's POV~

I was in the bathroom talking to Ryuk when L said he was going out. Sure it kinda ticked me off that he was going somewhere without me but it gave me the perfect opportunity to go and set things up with Rem and Misa. I walked out under the pretense that I wanted to visit my mom and sister, I made sure they wouldn't bother me. I locked the door and turned to face Misa who I had already told to be here. I looked at Rem and said six words that surprisingly made my heart clench painfully.

"I need you to kill L."

She looked at me and then to Misa, I knew what Rem was thinking. L was a huge risk to Misas' life and Rem, weather she wants to admit it or not, is in love with her just as that other Shinigami was. I could get Rem to do what I want.

Is it still what you want..?

Of course it is! How else will I get L out of the way, and after so long that it took me to get him to trust me. I bet everyone is like "What!? He's such an asshole!" But you know what I don't care, I will do whatever it takes to get what I need.

Then why does the thought of L dying hurt you?

I blink slowly, contemplating, thinking before completely shutting down that voice. I do not feel anything for L other than hatred and a slight admiration.

"When do you want it done?"

Rems voice pierces my thoughts.

As soon as possible.

Is what I wanted to say but instead.

"I'll... I'll tell you when. The timing has to be just right for this not to end badly."

Rem nods in understanding and the rest of them begin to talk amongst themselves as I begin to question my mental sanity.

Why did you say that? You know the quicker it's done the easier everything will be. Then why..?

I sigh and look at my alarm clock. My eyes widen at the time and I quickly mumble a goodbye and run off and make my way towards headquarters. I practically run down the hallway when the elevator doors open but come to an abrupt stop when I see L sitting on the floor. He has his eyes closed and looks like he's in pain. It makes my chest ache which again baffles me.

"...L..?"

I whisper before I even had time to completely comprehend the situation I was on my knees in front of L. His beautiful wide eyes staring at me with a deep set pain, and I immediately knew. It was like I had a sixth sense when it came to what L needed right then and there and I knew that I was the only one that could give it to him.

~~~You know you love me :3 The sexy scene will be in the next chapter, I know it was supposed to be in this one but then it turned into an actually important chapter. I like it... sort of. Anyway comment please :D and also.... if I published the BxB oneshot book how many of you would go and read it and request oneshots? I wanna know that way so I can either publish it now or just wait until this is done. anyway as always I love you my Lovelies

Z-girl Out~~~