The life of lil' queer me.

A bit of a gender rant

Ok so I'm closeted as everything except ace to my parents because of safety reasons. So I told them I'm asexual(they think I'm heteromantic) because that just means it's a lack of sexual attraction to everyone so I thought that it wouldn't be a problem but they say humans can't be ace-.- anyways I don't really care about not being able to tell them I'm panromantic and I have an enbyfriend. But for some reason it rips me apart knowing I can't tell them I'm neutrois-demiboy and not a girl. I'm worried they'll never want to talk to me ever when I'm grown and I know most of me hates them for all the pain, lgbt related and not lgbt related, they've caused me. But part of me doesn't want to never see them again. But I don't want to hold on to those who hurt me. I wish my parents were accepting and kinder people with better tempers. It's a struggle. I bet even if they were accepting they'd still have bad tempers. But what hurts the most for right now is thinking, what about when I go to college? They're gonna pay most of it but I want to change my name officially to Rowan Alex because I don't want my birth name on my master's degree. Something I'm supposed to be proud of the rest of my life but I'm scared if I change my name, and acted less like a girl in college my parents won't help me pay for it and no one will come to my graduation. It already hurts enough knowing my parents won't be at my wedding if I don't marry a cis man. Plus they're assholes in general and I can't do anything about this. I hope you guys have a better life, you can talk to me if you want <3~Alex