conscious

Part 1

Every day, I go home and walk straight into my studio. The dark walls reflect the light streaming in through the french doors overlooking the park. Being in such an open space made just for me gives me that feeling of certainty everyone hopes for. After a long day at school, I enjoy the peacefulness of the studio. I could stay there for days, just admiring the kids enjoying their simple lives on the playground. Watching the same kids play the same games every day gives me something to paint about. I mostly paint about my childhood because things were simpler then. No responsibilities, no stress, nothing. All you had to do was enjoy yourself. Sure, there were those mean kids who stole your lunch money, some who took your toys, but back then, none of that mattered. Like I said, being a kid was simple. Now, as a 16-year-old whose mom pays for their fancy private school education, I have all of the stress and responsibilities one can ever ask for. Ever since my dad left, I've been trying as hard a I possibly can to help make my mom's life easier. My older brother, Tommy, doesn't really do much since he left for college. He comes home during the holidays and every few weekends, but he usually plays video games and hangs out in his room with his girlfriend, a.k.a. my best friend, Lana. Yeah, it's kind of weird to know that your brother and your best friend are upstairs in your own house doing who knows what, but I've gotten used to it. Now that their feelings are out in the open, there's no more secret groping and I never walk in on them having sex. They put a sock on his doorknob now. Thank God. Lana always asks me if I have a boyfriend or if I want a boyfriend and I just tell her not everything needs to revolve around some guy. Then she gives me a talk about how Tommy isn't just "some guy" and how they talk about their future and all that gooey shit.