Hope

Mellow Ramblings

     I like the days where you feel happy for no reason, the ones where you want to stay in a specific moment for the rest of time, the kind of days where the sun softly shines on the world with a soft yellow light as the wind softly pushes the clouds across the sky. It's strange for me to think about, as when the days start to warm up, I feel as if I am running out of time. I don't like that I am growing up so quickly, I'd like to stay in those mellow days as long as possible. I want to feel the breeze against my face as it moves my hair back and forth in front of my face as if it can't decide whether it wants me to see or not. On these days I like to walk to a swing set in the schoolyard of an elementary school at the end of my street, and sit there for an hour or so and just think about how time is passing so quickly. It's not waiting for me, and I've realized it's too late to do many of the things I've wanted to do. I'll swing until I feel like for a split second I'm flying, something I wish I could do many times in my life, and then fall back and for a moment not see anything. On these same nights, I like to leave my house for a bit and just lay down on a bit of empty road and look at the stars. Sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend that there is something outside of this Earth, that there is a vast and endless universe and countless possibilities on what is out there. It's hard for me to comprehend that we are truly but a moment lost in time, as so many others have come before us and are forgotten like we will be one day. It's both a comfort and fear. It's a comfort because if I mess up like I have so many times before in the past, it will all be forgotten. What are we meant to do when our part is so small? I look back at the stars and imagine they're tiny shards of glass sparkling in the faint light of something far off. There are small moths flying near a lamppost that's off to my right, and I hear an owl call out softly, somewhere in a tree to my left. The moon shines down covering everything in a white light. Someone once called me the moon, and I feel as if it is kind of right, as I don't really do anything of my own, I just try and reflect the good things those around me have done. Life to me is kind of mellow. I like the sunny warm days more than I'd like to admit. I feel less alone in the warm ones than the cold ones, where I'm left to be in a house full of people that I don't feel very welcomed in. The warm ones are full of laughter and smiles from dear friends, and simply seeing others smiling in the warm weather makes me feel  better. I leave my window cracked open to hear the birds chirping and singing outside, to let in a bit of the cool air as I listen to music play, music with a mellow melody that somehow reminds me of things I've never experienced. Mellow days are my favorite, because if I feel nothing then there's nothing to be sad about. I don't really feel anything on these days, I just feel content, even when I feel like something unpleasant is to happen in the near future. Things are mellow and I hope they stay that way for a bit.