What are you doing at 2am?

It's so mesmerizing. Just sitting here would have terrorized me when I was younger; the darkness, the height, the water below, the temptation of death. Somehow, all of this seems inviting. It's all confusing, but completely clear to me at the same time. Normally when I'd feel like this, I'd be in a panic. I'd be worried about school or parents... or just life. Right now though, everything is calm. Everything seems transparent. Everything feels like this is the right time and place. I know that if I wait it'll get better. Life gets better, but part of me doesn't want it to get better. That part of me has brought me here tonight. I'm so sick of all those people preaching mental health. None of them have ever had the free falls of depression. As soon as life gets better, I start to fall again. I always do, and the lows aren't worth the highs anymore. I'm ready for my final free fall. It's a little poetic, falling into the dark depths once again.

Bye