Cutting

'IT' was my escape from this terrible, lonely, depressing world I was forced to call a 'home'. For those few minutes that the blade made its contact with my wrist it was like everything around me was suddenly frozen in time. It was just me & pain but I couldn't help but enjoy it. Every second of it. Each trickle of blood. My blood pounded & urged its way out. All I heard was a clock, ticking its way in my mind. All I thought was "how much longer could this go on ? How can I stop ? Do I want to stop ?" But every time I tried to force myself to stop, I always came running back for what I thought was helping me but hurt & broke me down to the point where I jus stopped thinking, trying. I wanted to leave this world as a disappointment, a endless world of possibilities, but I wanted out. & when I finally got it. It was nothing like what I expected. I wanted things to change. But I felt worse then I originally did. I wish I could take back everything. My actions hurt me, killed me actually & I couldn't take that back. I couldn't have a second chance. Things jus don't work out that way. I should of thought things through before I took it too far. Now I leave you my lust..