I'm Kinda Sick and You Might Be Too

Too Many Cooks Will Spoil The Recipe, For Disaster That Is

Jiyong sat in a most unaffected pose in his studio, taking a long drag on the cigarette he almost forgot was lit. The long forgotten ash crumbling upon his shirt as he relinquished the festering stick to the ash tray on his table. His other hand swirled the glass of Scotch that had become second nature in these last couple of months as he tried, to no avail, of course, to get through the days in one emotional stable piece. It was tragic, to say the least, as his existence had become a former shadow of himself. She noticed it and while she surmised it had something to do with someone else, she was too caught up in her own world to be affected. She'd attempted conversation as to what the hell his problem was but since he refused to acknowledge that anything was wrong, she said fuck it. She was a model who had shows to do and places to be. She wasn't of the mindset to sit around and cater to Jiyong's ego. Despite popular assumptions, they weren't a couple. At least, in her eyes, they weren't a real couple. She fucked him. Regularly. That pretty much was it. They looked good together for the camera.

That was important.

To the both of them anyways.

Whatever was going on with him, she had told him that he needed to fix it. She couldn't take any more of this depressing skeleton in front of her. It was weighing her down. He wasn't fun to be around. She took one last look at him as he was attempting to do some work in his studio. He barely noticed her as she said goodbye and walked out. He picked up his cell phone again once he realized she was gone. He dialed the number that had become synonymous with his mood for the day, depending if the other actually answered this time.

Voicemail.

Again.

And he couldn't leave a message because he'd already filled the damn box up.

Seung Hyun was purposely not erasing the messages so that Jiyong couldn't leave one.

Again.

Shit.

Jiyong was a complete mess and he didn't like it. He couldn't wrap his mind around what actually happened some months ago. He'd lost track of time, not caring what month it actually was. He remembers YG telling him that Seung Hyun would be out of Korea for some months and that he had to deal with it. Excuse me? He didn't discuss anything with him!! How could Seung Hyun just up and leave him like that??!! It just wasn't a plausible scenario. He never expected Seung Hyun to leave. The actual thought had never, not once, had it ever crossed his mind. They'd been together for so long and things were fine. They were just fucking peachy. Why did Seung Hyun have to go and get all emotional and shit? He should've known not to push!! Making demands of him and expecting him to cower and be something he would never admit in the open. How dare he fucking do that? Everything was going just fine, in his book. They saw each other when they could, spending time together when it fit in his schedule and he spent the night with Seung Hyun plenty of times. They'd been together for close to ten years already. What more did the man want from him??!!! Yeah, he guessed they've should've been in a different stage of their life by now. In a fantasy world, everything would've been all fucking rainbows, but this was fucking Korea!!! They were not young idol trainees anymore. They couldn't be living together without people talking. They couldn't be seen together all the time. Why was Seung Hyun not getting it?

He didn't like being given ultimatums. He fucking hated it. He never figured that Seung Hyun would do it. He didn't think that Seung Hyun would leave him. He figured that he just couldn't being so in love with him. Jiyong knew he was wrong sometimes for how he treated the man. He knew. He wasn't that callous. He had a fucking heart and now it was broken, shattered. He did love him. Yes! Yes! Alright, he didn't go out of his way to say it. Yes, he knew this. He wasn't shouting it from the rooftops. That didn't mean anything. Seung Hyun just assumed all the damn time. Jiyong cared. He really did, but they were trapped in a situation that wouldn't be a good outcome for either man had they done what Seung Hyun wanted. Jiyong just couldn't wrap his little brain around why Seung Hyun couldn't grasp the magnitude of what he was asking of him. It was so damn obvious! They could never be a couple out in the open. Yeah, they played that "ship game" on stage, it was all aegyo and shit, but it was just to give the fans what they wanted. They could never do that for real. Jiyong laughed at the irony of it all. In a country that promoted skin ship on stage of their idols, but god forbid, one of those idols were actually gay? Fucking hell. The shit would hit the fan for sure. He took another drag on the long forgotten cigarette and decided to pen another text message instead.