Gone but not forgotten (Short Story)

I stared at the razor blades on the side of the bath as i lay in the warm soft water of my favourite relaxing place. It was time I couldn't wait any longer. The quicker you did it, the better. 

The world will be a better place without you in it, Emily, you know that. Yes I knew that and if my head shut up then maybe I would have time to get this over and done with. I felt guilty, my mother who had always cared for me and loved me so much was going to be heartbroken when she discovered that I had left her to fight the promblems of the world without me. 

And my gorgeous boyfriend Josh, I loved him so much, he was all I had other than my mother. The only real friend I ever had. He knew everything about me and I loved it, he knew even about my self harming and as much as he tried he couldn't end my self hatred but that was no fault of his own but mine. 

I called him about five minutes ago, he knew it was over. I had never called him so emotional before. I told him I loved him and that I was so thankful to have him over the last two years. He didn't understand, until I finally said goodbye he seemed to be silent as in thinking I hung up and straight after he text me telling me to not do this, as I was declining his calls. 

I made the first hard deep cut vertically up my wrist. I welcomed the pain, it was horrible and so good at the same time, not in a messed up kind of way in the sense that at last everything was being released, it felt good to be free. The blood started flowing into my delicious bath, turning the translucent water a deep red. I laid my head back and let all the happy memories I had in the last 19 years over clcoud the dark horrible ones. My head started getting dizzy and light, it wouldn't be long now, and as my mind started to get even cloudier, I welcomed the darkness. It was different to the darkness I'd been experiancing this one was clear of panic and desperation this was a calm, lovely darkness. I don't know how to describe it. 

I heard a sudden bang on the white locked bathroom door. And another, and another. But it was getting quiter and quiter. The banging stopped, at last, I thought. Peace and tranquilety was the last thing I wanted to remember.

I was being pulled out of the bath quickly and carefully by strong warm hands, what was going on!? No, leave me to die! I want to die! I started screaming, no, no please!! 

My wrists were being covered with towels, what was they doing no please stop!! 

Josh cradled me in his arms, whispering that it was ok, the ambulance was on its way. I just laid there, why would he do this to me I want to die. He knows that. Why did he try to save me? It didn't matter anyway, he was too late. The blood was still leaking through the fluffy white towels. The flow never stopping or slowing. Whether or not he liked it tonight was the night I was going to die. At last.  

"I love you so much, I never wanted you to leave me Emily, ever!! I'm so sorry I didn't save you in time, you could of made it through, you've been so strong, oh Emily, I love you so much I'll never forget you I promise, I promise."

I heard sirens in the weak distance, haha I won. 

I somehow managed to squek out, I love you. Before darkness claimed my vision, I heard weeping from Josh, sobbing from my mother somewhere behind that, when did she get home? She wasn't supposed to be here or see this!! 

I felt one final breath rattle my anorexic body before finally, my wish was granted and god claimed a delinquent.