Wicked Lovely

Preface

People cry when they are sad or in pain. Sometimes, they even cry when they are overwelmed with joy. Tears are weird like that. I may never understand. I don't like to show people my tears.

Personally, I think it's a sign of weakness. I hate being weak. I like to be in control of myself. When my parents left...I didn't cry. Even when I found out what happened...I never reavealed my tears.

No, that was for when I was all alone in my bedroom; squeezing a stuffed animal to my chest, my tears flowing freely- soaking the soft fabric of my favorite teddy bear my father had bought me long ago.

I am standing in the parking lot. Remembering what I have lost. I almost break down right there when I see Jake. Anger overthrows my grief. My fists clench so tight, my nails dig into my skin-probably drawing blood. I pull him away from his girlfriend and begin to shout in his face, "How can you fucking act like nothing happened?! You're just going to continue with your life!?"

His face turns angry and stone hard. He yells back, "Don't talk as if you know what I'm going through right now. You lost a friend. I lost the only one who actually cared about me in that damn house!"

"You're sure as hell not showing it! If you actually cared then; Where. Were. You? When she needed you most, you weren't there. Instead you were off screwing around with that slut!" If I thought he looked angry before, he looks furious now. He comes forward and slaps me. Hard. I gasp and reach up to my now red hot cheek.

"Don't you dare talk about her like that. You don't know me and you most certainly don't know her. I won't stand here and let you talk shit about the woman I love. Newsflash; None of this would have happened if you hadn't of butt into our lives. Everything was fine until you came in. You and your crazy ass world. You're a demon. You killed her. So, don't talk about me not being there. At least I didn't murder her."

Angry tears well into my eyes, threatening to spill.

You're a demon. You killed her.

Those words will never leave me now. I already hated myself enough.

"The 'woman you love' cheated on you. I caught her in the closet fucking some other guy. Looks like you don't know her either."

He is about to slap me again and I brace myself, ready for the sting.

His little bitch comes to drag him away by the arm. She glares at me with so much hatred. I couldn't care less. But something else glimmers in her eyes. A spark. I'm not about to sit there and ponder it. I'm still hurt from Jake's words.

When he is out of sight is when I finally break down. I fall onto my knees. The rough concrete rips my black tights. My body taken over by large sobs. To top it off, it begins to rain. Only the better to scream out and have no one to hear me over the heavy thunder.

I fall over. I no longer have any strength to hold myself up. I lay in the mud, my throat unbelievably soar from my loud wails, clutching at the ground.

You killed her.

More wails.

You're a demon.

How can someone scream so loud, it blends in with the thunder's song?

You and your crazy ass world.

That's right. I am nothing more than a demon from a sickening world. A world that caused the death of someone I deeply care about. No, wait. The world didn't. I did. Me. It's all my fault. I caused this.

No one has ever loathed their self more than I do now.

I never knew how long I stayed like that. I remember seeing a dark sillouhette appear in the shadows. Stong arms pick me up and hold me close to their chest in a small ball. That's when I black out.