between heaven and disaster | camren

chapter 5: camila

Lauren breathes into Camila's mouth, fingertips digging into the fabric of Camila's shirt. Her eyes are clenched shut as she tells herself this is what she wants. She wants Camila. She wants Camila to kiss her. She wants this.

Somewhere in the back of her mind she hears a voice telling her that they need to talk, but it's hard to be reasonable with Camila's knee pressing between her thighs; Camila's hands pushing her back by her shoulders until her back hits the bedroom wall.

"Camz—" she tries, weakly—torn between wanting Camila's lips to stay right where they are, and wanting them to say words and talk about feelings.

But, "Shh. It's okay. No talking." Camila shoves Lauren back against the wall, harshly like she's trying to hurt her. And Lauren lets her, drunk on the taste of Camila's lips.

At least Camila isn't running away anymore.

&

When Lauren gets to their usual lunch table, Camila and Dinah are laughing at something on Camila's phone. They don't really acknowledge Lauren's arrival with more than a glance her way, and Lauren suppresses a sigh as she sits down on the opposite side of the table.

She tries not to stare at Camila, tries not to think about the way it felt to have her hands tangled with her hair the other night, but her eyes inevitably end up on Camila's face anyway. Camila's too beautiful not to look at.

"Try being more subtle next time," Normani whispers in her ear, sliding into the seat on Lauren's left.

Lauren looks up and attempts to roll her eyes convincingly. "I wasn't—I mean, I was staring into space. Not—you know."

"Sure," Normani says.

"Seriously," Lauren exclaims, right before realizing she said that too loud, causing everyone at their table to turn and look at her for a moment.

"I totally believe you, whatever Mani's up your ass about," Keana says, dropping her bag on the floor. "What is Mani up your ass about?"

"Everything. I'm never good enough for her," Lauren replies, as casually as possible. She's highly aware of the way Camila's gaze shifts between Lauren and Normani for a moment, but she decides to ignore it. If Camila wants to know, she'll ask later. (She already knows Camila won't ask, because asking means talking, and Camila doesn't like talking.)

"That's not true," Normani protests, but Keana looks at her skeptically.

"That's plausible," she decides, playfully flipping off Normani. "I'm Team Lauren."

Lauren high fives her. "You have a free period after this, too, right?" She pulls out her phone to check her text messages. "Someone did, anyway."

"Yeah, that was me," Keana nods. "Glad to hear I'm so memorable. Maybe I'll join Team Normani instead."

Normani whoops, looking up from her own phone with a grin. She holds up her fist for Keana to fist bump her, almost punching Lauren's eye in the process. Lauren leans back to let her friends be idiots together, before turning her attention back to Keana.

"How's Ash? She sent me a bunch of pictures yesterday, but they were all blurry, and I'm pretty sure she was drunk."

Keana's eyes somehow manage to light up and turn a little sad at the same time. "Yup, she was definitely drunk. She went to visit Ally in college, because apparently she needs more experiences to write songs about, or something. College parties are an obvious requirement."

"Obviously."

"No, but she's good. Enjoying her freedom for as long as it lasts, because next week she has to start her new job at some diner. Neither of us is really looking forward to it, but at least she'll be able to take me out on fancy dates with all the money she'll be earning." Keana shrugs. "I said we'd all come into the diner when she has to work and we'll be obnoxious customers."