Zimmer

Before

Earlier tonight, I was on a second-first date with my ex: Paul Zimmer. I didn't want to go in the first place because of our wretched history together, but alas, I decided that I should try to overlook the past. Perhaps he had changed...

He picked me up ten minutes late, which I was semi-grateful for considering the facts that (a) he was usually later, (b) I wasn't ready yet, and (c) If Paul had been on-time, then that would mean that he was right when he said that he would try to change, and if he was right, then I would begin to ponder whether or not I should have stayed with him in the first place.

When he arrived, he didn't honk the horn and text me saying "I'm outside.", like on our first-first date. He got out of the car and came up to the door, rang like a gentleman, and requested my presence politely when my best friend, and roommate, Katie, answered the door.
Katie yelled for me to come downstairs, and I took one last, long look at myself before I left. After all, I had to dress to impress Zimmer.
When I came downstairs, Katie was standing with her hand propped on her hip, and she was interrogating the knight in sexy armor.

"Katie, cut it out," I said bashfully, and I gestured to the kitchen, "Can you go grab my purse?"

Katie strutted to the kitchen, and I watched to see if Paul was going to look at her ass, like he used to, but he kept his eyes on me. "Why are you still so beautiful?" he asked, and I felt the same butterflies that I felt before, only, they were stronger this time.

Paul moved closer to me, so that there was but a centimeter of space between us, and he leaned down to whisper in my ear, "I want you now, baby girl. I want your body intertwined with mine. I want my fingers in your hair, and I want you to scream my name so loud that my neighbors wi-"

In one swift second, Katie's footsteps got louder, she reentered the room, and Paul backed away from me, his cologne lingering in my personal space, and filling me with vibrance and a craving for him. I needed him, too.

"Here is your purse," Katie said, passing it to me, "and here is something that I think you might need later, if you know what I mean" she spoke quietly, and teasingly, handing me a grape flavored condom discreetly. I laughed, and turned to leave.

"Do you want me to carry your bag?" Paul asked, once again gentlemanly, and I passed it to him. He assisted me while I put on my jacket, and finally, he twirled me around. Just like on our first date oh-so-long ago.

He reached for my hand, and we walked outside. He held the passenger door open and let me in.

He drove carefully, glancing over at me every couple of minutes and smiled, and after about five minutes of awkward silence, he looked over at me: "Stop doing that, Mia."

"Doing what?" I inquired. All that I had done was look at him, and look outside.

"Looking so goddamned beautiful. You're making it hard to focus on the road."

I felt myself blush and I turned away, looking out onto the road again. "Where are we going anyways? The movies? Or is that too mediocre for you, now?" I asked.

"Nope, you'll see." He replied, and I continued to direct my gaze at the setting sun.

No more than ten minutes later, we pulled into the Pet Store parking lot. Paul let me out of the car, and put his arm around my waist, and we walked up to the pet shop. When we walked in, Paul guided me over to the puppies and I started laughing as they crawled all over each other.

Paul asked the attendee if we could pick one up, and he said yes. As I held the fluff ball in my arms, Paul looked over at me and smiled. It was the most beautiful smile on a beautiful boy. And he will never know that I saw it.

The attendee walked over and attempted to make smalltalk, "So, are you guys newlyweds? Or just wanting a pet together?"

"We're in love." Paul sputtered out, but at the same time, I said "It's our first date."

We put the puppy back, thanked the attendee. "I need to powder my cheeks," Paul said, and he asked where the restroom was and walked off in that direction.

As soon as Paul was out of view, the attendee came to talk to me, and he said six words that I will never forget: "That boy's in love with you."

I denied it, saying that we will probably never see each other again, and the man insisted. "Sweetheart, the way he looks at you. It's undeniable. Whether or not you are, he was right when he said that he is in love."

Paul and I left, and on the car ride, he slipped in a CD.

"What are we listening to?" I asked, to which he replied, "Are you kidding me?"

He passed me the package of which he retrieved the disc from, and as soon as I saw it, I said, laughing, "Oh no. Oh my god why do you still have this?"

"How could I get rid of Marvelous Mia's Mixtape? Besides, it has all of my favorite songs on it." He turned it all the way up, and we both laughed as my younger self's voice rang on the speakers throughout the car:

"I love you, Paul, and I always will."

The CD must have been scratched, as those words kept repeating.

"I love you, Paul, and I always will."

I looked at Paul, and he looked at me.

"I love you Paul, and I always will."

I turned to the road, and saw the car.

"I love you, Paul, and I always will."

I looked over at Paul to see his face transition from delight to fear.

"I love you, Paul, and I always will."

It all happened so fast.

"I love you, Paul, and I always will."

But felt like slow motion.

"I love you, Paul, and I always will."

I remember a flash, and the rest is still a blur.